Swiss Banking, Anyone?

A very funny account of "Swiss Banking", filled with the perils of being a middle-class person! Have a dekko!

Bengalee...A poem

Through the jongole I am went
On shooting Tiger I am bent
Boshtaard Tiger has eaten wife
No doubt I will avenge poor darling's life
Too much quiet, snakes and leeches
But I not fear these sons of beeches
Hearing loud noise I am jumping with start
But noise is coming from damn fool's heart
Taking care not to be fright
I am clutching rifle tight with eye to sight
Should Tiger come I will shoot and fall him down
Then like hero return to native town
Then through trees I am espying one cave
I am telling self - "Bannerjee be brave"
I am now proceeding with too much care
From far I smell this Tiger's lair
My leg shaking, sweat coming, I start to pray
I think I will shoot Tiger some other day
Turning round I am going to flee
But Tiger giving bloody roar spotting this Bengalee
He bounding from cave like football player Pele
I run shouting
"Kali Ma tumi kothay gele"
Through the jongole I am running
With Tiger on my tail closer looming
I am a telling that never in life
I will risk again for my damn fool wife!!!!

AIMCATs

What is the similarity between AIMCATs and the Indian team's batting? Head here for the answer!

The Dash

A really beautiful one! To get more inspirational messages, log on to MountainWings.

Blog Read

A good blog, from Shubham, one of the founders of Arbit Chaudhary. Now, if you don't what that is, go figure.

An Egyptian adventure, anyone?

What if you were sent to Ancient Egypt? Would you survive? Would you able to get food and water? Would you be even able to tell your name? Not sure of the first two, but yes, surely the last one I can answer now!

Presenting the hieorglyphic generator, that will tell how your name would have been spelt, had it been in Ancient Egyptian!

Have a look at my name, Ankur.



Wanna try your own? Do it here.

Women are complicated

With the three months of marriage experience behind me, I can vouch for the accuracy of this cartoon :-D

Inspiring

'I have done that,' says my memory. 'I cannot have done that' - says my pride, and remains adamant. At last - memory yields.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

How to buy a private island

If you ever thought of this, and stopped for lack of directions, then here is your saviour. The Internet's guide to "Buying a Private Island".

Know someone who needs a beach shack; I think there might be no better wedding present for that person :-D

Shayari

Iss duniya mein humko nazare saare dikhe;
Qatl mera andhere mein kiya tha unhone;
Jo ujale mein dost humare dikhe.

Why Me?

Arthur Robert Ashe, Jr. was a prominent African American tennis player who was born and raised in Richmond, Virginia . During his playing career, he won three Grand Slam titles. The legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983. From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed:
"Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur replied:
The world over -- 50,000,000 children start playing tennis, 5,000,000 learn to play tennis, 500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam, 50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals, When I was holding a cup I never asked GOD "Why me? And today in pain I should not be asking GOD "Why me?"

Happiness keeps you Sweet, trials keep you Strong, sorrow keeps you human, failure Keeps you Humble, success keeps you glowing, but only God keeps you going.....

Australia vs. Sri Lanka

So that's it. Aus vs. SL - that is the final lineup for the Cricket World Cup 2007. How boring to see Australia reach the final once again, a record 4th consecutive time they have managed it. And if they win, it will be a record 3rd consecutive win. In fact their domination of the game is so total that this is their 6th final appearance out of 9 WCs so far; the only times they did not manage to reach the finals were 1979, 1983 and 1992.

However, I want to see SL beat Australia. That is my personal wishlist. Sure, Hayden and Co. are batting like there is no tomorrow. And, McGrath and Co. are bowling similarly. It seems very hard to beat the Aussies in the current form. But they are beatable. SA showed that by hitting 436 when the Aussies piled up 434. NZ showed that recently, against an admittedly enervated Australian team.

But, I am tired of seeing Australian victories. I mean, come on, give us a break. We want to see these guys lose because we want a change. We are bored of the same old, same old. Hayden hits. Ponting punishes. Gilchrist gorges. McGrath murders. Bracken bellows. And Australia wins.

Australia have a continuous winning streak in WCs since the final of the WC99. The match before that was the famous tied match between them and SA. Since the final of the WC99, they have a spotless record which includes the whole of WC2003 and WC2007, so far. Sports journos are running out of superlatives to express their sheer awe of this team.

However, Australia's winning habit is killing enthusiasm in fans like me. Sure, I like to watch good cricket, which Asutralia provides in ample dollops. But there has to be some excitement in watching the match, the thrill of waiting to see the final 5 overs, where the match can go either way. Australians are too clinical in their execution and leave no scope for excitement in a match. It is like David vs. Goliath, except that the Goliath wins hands down all the time.

I don't mind a close and hard-fought victory for Australia. That would be any day better than a emphatic, convincing and one-sided victory. However, what would give me real pleasure is a SL victory; and I don't want a comprehensive one. A nail-biter, if you please, thank you very much. That is what the couch-potatoes of the world want.

I am wearing blue and yellow on Saturday. What about you?

The trillionaire club

India joins the trillion dollar economies club........Ho...Hum..... :-D

Yes, yes, we know India is growing...that it is a booming economy, it is going to beat other economies by taking away their growth and their jobs.....but what about development? Growth and development need to go hand in hand, otherwise incidents like Nandigram wil continue to haunt us.

Kapde Ka Thela

Ahem...err....all rise for the most fashionable, royal and serene highness, "Kapde Ka Thela" - For 200 pounds each, I am willing to sell them millions if they want!!! Please Please Please, Lemme Sell Them!!!

I wants to make friendships with uuuuuu

If you understand the inherent humour in and laughed at the title of this post, then check out this blog. Great one!

Funny pics

Modern Vishwamitra and Maneka

Posting some funny stuff I found floating on the net :)

How much is too much?

How much is too much? Sheryl Crow wants to limit toilet paper usage. Err...to save the environment, that's why?

"Kryptonite" discovered in mine

Hmm.....life imitates fiction. Scientists have found "Kryptonite" in a Serbian mine. Link.

So when are we going to find out that there is a real Sabu, and when he becomes angry, volcanoes do erupt on Jupiter :-D

Logic?

A scorpion, being a very poor swimmer, asked a turtle to carry him on his back across a river. "Are you crazy?" exclaimed the turtle. "You'll sting me while I'm swimming and I'll drown."
"My dear turtle," laughed the scorpion, "if I were to sting you, you would drown and I would go down with you. Now where is the logic in that?"
"You're right!" cried the turtle. "Hop on!" The scorpion climbed aboard and halfway across the river gave the turtle a mighty sting. As they both sank to the bottom, the turtle resignedly said:
"Do you mind if I ask you something? You said there'd be no logic in your stinging me. Then why did you do it?"
"It has nothing to do with logic," the drowning scorpion sadly replied.
"It's just my character."

Moral:
Be careful of whom you associate with.

News from 2019 World Cup

• India failed to defeat Afghanistan in the world cup qualifier in the Asia -Pacific zone. Coach Sehwag said that he is not worried bcoz he has backing of selectors, captain and board....and that they had won a close match against Papua new guinea just 2 yrs ago
• Rahul Dravid, the coach of new zealand team said that Sachin should now consider retiring gracefully and let his son take over the captaincy.
• Mahender Singh Dhoni broke ajit agarkars record of most no of conecutive ducks in twenty 20
• Saurav ganguly, the coach of England feels that the boys need to control their emotions on the field.
• The current leading man from bollywood bret lee advices ms dhoni to take upacting as well.
• Minnows Pakistan beat Ireland in a close match...and thus they avanged their defeat in the 2007 WC against the then minnows Ireland.
• Inzamam ul haq, who was the captain of the losing team and now the present coach said in a press interview that, "Boys plays well...they try hard...inshallah we wins the world cup".
• The police arrested 8 ppl for voilence after England and NZ match...Investigations revealed that these ppl were members of Dravid and Ganguly fan communities on Orkut which have 623241516 and 126542 members respectively.
• The Indian cricket board led by president Rahul Gandhi has called for an emergency meeting to discuss future course of action ..former players like Yuvraj Singh, Md Kaif, VVS Laxman and Kumble have been invited...coach Sehwag and captain Tendulkar will present a report.
• VVS Laxman today created a new controversy by saying that he expected a written apology from Rahul gandhi for including him in the category of former players....he said that he has improved his fielding and fitness and wants to play 2023 WC in Brazil.

Email or Millionaire

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an
email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"


Moral of the story:
1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
3 - If you see this message on the internet, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire.
Pls Note: - Do not forward this to me back, I'm closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes! Have a great day!

US seeks investment from India

And you thought LPG (Liberalisation, Privatisation, Globalisation) did not help? In an extremely unlikely twist...US seeks investment from India.

Read here.

The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification

A book titled "The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification" has been named as the oddest book title of the year. Read more here. The most interesting part is reading the names of the past winners of the contest :-D

Mike Tyson in Bollywood Movie

Yohi hone se reh raha tha.....Mike Tyson to star in a promotional music video for a Bollywood movie. Read it here.

Kismat

Mat Kar Itna Yakeen Haathon Ki Lakeeron Pe Ai Dost,
Ke Kismat Unki Bhi Hoti Hai Jinke Haath Nahin Hote.

Mutual Funds Demystified

With the Indian Economy booming, Mutual Funds have never had it so good in India. People are investing in them in droves. However, knowledge of the funds remains low. This series of articles here looks at them from a layman's perspective. Good for beginners!

Profound

A man who does not thank for little......will not thank for much.
- Estonian Proverb

Assorted Humour

Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : No, because you make me sick.

He introduced himself as a criminal lawyer. I thanked him for being so honest.

Whoever said talk is cheap never hired a lawyer.

Old age is always 20 years older than you are.
- Chinese Proverb

Change is good as long as I don't have to do anything differently.

Great Answers from Science Exams

• A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
• The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
• When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
• Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
• Clouds are high flying fogs.
• I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
• Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around and around. There is not much else to do.
• Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
• Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
• Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
• H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
• Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
• Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
• The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u.
• The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
• Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
• Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
• To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow.

Of Driving

Last year, I had a lot of opportunity to drive down to Greater Noida from Noida. The newly constructed, 6-lane, expressway is aptly named. It does allow super speeds and is really a great way to commute. There are some pitfalls like some stray animals/cattle and the the danger of a pileup accident, like this winter when 14 vehicles rammed into one another due to heavy fog.

However, what I really enjoyed was not the speed one could achieve, but the luxuriant view that I had when I drove there. A commuter of modern cities does not get a chance to see a lot except buildings and a few trees here and there. But the expressway offers a scenic view at many places. One of reasons is that the expressway does not have crossings, and at places where the road does need a crossing, it has a sort of flyover. This creates a sinusoidal curve on the road and when on the crest, one gets fantastic views on both sides. One can see a huge thicket which is almost a jungle, 2 big rivers, endless fields, villages, city heights, roads big and small and of course the vast expanse of the azure sky. A treat certainly, and a lavish one at that.

The Second Coming?

Dear Diary,
Is this the Second Coming, and could I be the Son of God?
A few days ago, I bumped into an old acquaintance and he told me, "Jesus, I haven't seen you in years!" Then, yesterday I braked late at a red light and a pedestrian shouted at me, "Jesus Christ, watch what you're doing!"
Finally, this morning my boss walked into my cubicle and told me, "Christ, will you stop surfing the Net for sports news and do some work for a change?!?"

Are you of Neanderthal ancestry?

As you know, Neanderthal man may have interbred with modern man. His descendants are with us even today, passing for full-blooded Homo sapiens. If you suspect a "touch of the old hand ax" in your ancestry, score yourself on this test:

1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? If so, give yourself five points.
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? If not, take five points.
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, add three points.
4. How about a forehead? If not, add another three points.
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? Then give yourself five points.
6. Do you ever open Coke bottles with your teeth? If you do, add ten points.
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than sitting in a chair? Take five points.
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, add one point for every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? Add one point for every inch under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm, add one point for every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? Five points.
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club? You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to hold an apple? Add five points.
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this way? Add fifteen points.
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when you're not? Give yourself ten points.
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an overcoat? Take five more points.
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? Three points.

Scoring:

0-20 points:

You are a virtually pure Homo sapiens. Feel free to build bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world.

20-40 points:

A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.

40-60 points:

You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away.

60-80 points:

Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a career in pro football.

80-100 points:

Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no place for you in human society. Try running for public office instead.

Beware.....Ug99 is here

As this report suggests, India is one of the foremost targets of the Wheat Rust. Let us hope things improve on this front ASAP.

Quotes from Einstein

• Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.
• Imagination is more important than knowledge.
• Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
• I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.
• The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.
• Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
• The only real valuable thing is intuition.
• A person starts to live when he can live outside himself.
• I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice.
• God is subtle but he is not malicious.
• Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.
• I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.
• The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility.
• Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.
• Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.
• Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
• Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds.
• Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
• Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
• Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
• The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
• The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
• God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.
• The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
• Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.
• Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
• The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
• We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
• Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
• The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
• Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.
• Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity.
• If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
• As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
• Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
• I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
• In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.
• The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
• Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
• Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!
• No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?
• My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind.
• Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever.
• The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker.
• Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.
• The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science.
• He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.
• A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
• The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.
• Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
• You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
• One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year.
• One of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought.
• He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder.
• A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by
• widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
• Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

5 Jewish Men

Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization.

Moses said the law is everything.
Jesus said love is everything.
Marx said capital is everything.
Freud said sex is everything.
Einstein said everything is relative.

Patience To Learn

A young man presented himself to the local expert on gems and said he wanted to become a gemologist. The expert brushed him off because he feared that the youth would not have the patience to learn. The young man pleaded for a chance. Finally the expert consented and told the youth, "Be here tomorrow."

The next morning the expert put a jade stone in the boy's hand and told him to hold it. The expert then went about his work, cutting, weighing, and setting gems. The boy sat quietly and waited.

The following morning the expert again placed the jade stone in the youth's hand and told him to hold it. On the third, fourth, and fifth day the expert repeated the exercise and the instructions.

On the sixth day the youth held the jade stone, but could no longer stand the silence. "Master," he asked, "when am I going to learn something?"

"You'll learn," the expert replied and went about his business.

Several more days went by and the youth's frustration mounted. One morning as the expert approached and beckoned for him to hold out his hand, he was about to blurt out that he could go on no longer. But as the master placed the stone in the youth's hand, the young man exclaimed with-out looking at his hand, "This is not the same jade stone!"

"You have begun to learn," said the master.

Moral: We have to be patient in life and wait for the best to turn up, and also we have to be a keen observer with a good presence of mind. Patience is the virtue towards achieving a cherishing life and its the most challenging one as well.

US no longer technology leader

A slightly unusual and interesting report. I don't agree completely, but have a look nonetheless. Article at BBC.

Vakil Sahab

This is a character sketch that I wrote. I wrote it over a period of time, with the idea coming to my mind when I saw this man, nearly 4 years ago. I wrote my initial draft on the spot. I converted it into a full-blown sketch last year but never got around to putting it up on the blog. A character sketch has no story, it is just what the name suggests; a character sketch. Do leave your comments on this one.


A small town. A slightly dusty afternoon. The dampness of yesterday’s rains has started to give way under the relentless attack of the freshly bathed sun. A bit of heaviness hangs in the air. Like an unpleasant thought that refuses to go away. It is as humid as anywhere yet a bit more cool in the large tin shade outside the local courts. The shade houses close to a hundred and seventy-five lawyers. A jumble of black coats, dark pants, white shirts and kurtas, dhotis and pagdis. The sickly sweet smell of stale tobacco mixed with pungent sweat, dust and rancid decay enters everyone’s nostrils. No one feels it.

A lawyer in this hodgepodge. Small town creature. Short, squat, possessor of a closely-cropped pate; hair that has been cut so short that it stands at its ends, resembling the back of a porcupine. The skin-folds at the back of his head bulge and peek through this liberally oiled bush every time he throws his head back to look at the ceiling. The hair is grey, black and white; all thrown together in equal measure. The oil promotes quick growth and is a quick preparation for its next shearing. It seems that the hair is shorn off completely once a month so that his prospective clients can identify with him more closely. The oil trickles down along with copious amounts of sweat and gives his face an extra luminousity. He wipes off the sweat with a deliberate and slow action, using both the shoulders of his shirt alternately. He is slow, not because he is weak, but because he can afford to. He has all the time in the world.

His pencil moustache harks back to the heroes of black & white movie era, frozen in a time capsule. Once a fashion has been adopted there is no deviation from it. He hates change. A shave has been executed today morning by the neighbourhood barber and the results are there for everyone to see. A bit of hair is left unshaved near his jowls. He strokes it out of boredom. This will make its presence felt only today. Since the shaving ritual is performed on alternate days, this extra growth will hardly be noticeable on the second day. This ritual saves money and anyway who needs a shave everyday?

A paunch rests gently on the thighs, heaving with a slow rhythm of breathing, doing complete justice to years of sitting and talking. Talking to fellow lawyers and clients over endless cups of tea - tea with too much sugar, too much milk and too less tea.

A mandatory white shirt with an extra dose of indigo that makes it look almost bluish. Dappled with yellow. Striped pants complete the ensemble. The attire tells prospective clients that he is “Vakil Sahab”.

The feet sport an old and decaying pair of sports shoes, the ones probably purchased at the local shoe store, because it had got a new lot from the city, and was giving a nice inaugural discount to kick-start the shop. Or may be the shop was closing down and gave a nice discount to rid itself of the old stock.

A small hole in the vest is visible from under the now-translucent-from-sweat shirt. He doesn’t care for he can’t see the hole. Even if he could, it would not matter. The button holding the most critical part of the shirt, the one directly above the paunch, seems to be close to yielding, but miraculously stays put. He looks at his watch for the seventeenth time in the past fifteen minutes yet fails in his desperate attempt to look busy. There is no client till now. It is already 11 in the morning. The court has been open since 10. He must get a client today, if he is to get his bottle in the evening.

He takes out a small key from his top pocket and puts it in the keyhole of the top drawer of his table. It turns smoothly. He opens it slightly to release the mechanism that protects the lower drawers. He opens the middle drawer, takes out a small rag, cleans the imaginary dust from the table and wipes away some sweat that seems to have trickled down along his forearms and elbows, onto the table.

He promises himself to wear the old full-sleeved shirt tomorrow, instead of this half-sleeved one. They full-sleeved shirt does not look bad, just a bit frayed at the collars and cuffs – maybe his wife could repair them once again – but at least the mess on the table would not happen. Appearances are important in this business and a sweaty creature has a far lesser chance of trapping a client than a somber-looking man.

He plans to get a fan soon. A fan increases the prestige one has among the clients. Some lawyers have their own fans and their own private air. Most others make do with whatever blows their way. His first priority is to replace the broken armrests of a chair in front of him, one of the two that the clients sit on. But before that he needs a better lock & chain that guards his belongings when he leaves for the day. The present one seems to be decaying like his practice. People don’t fight enough in this town, or may be he does not know many litigious people.

He replaces the rag at its place. He rummages through the other contents of the drawer. An old receipt for eleven rupees for a Jagraan, which some local boys took from him. He wanted to give five, but as everyone was giving eleven, he had to stick to the norm. Those boys looked like scoundrels! Must have had foreign whisky from the money they collected. He knew the Jagraan was a sham to collect money yet could not protest.

An old notice from his landlord. Eviction! At least he could fight this case properly, as there was no payment problem with this client. Most others were always short on their dues. Most of his clients are farmers with small land holdings in the villages near the town and fight civil cases over land, inheritance or money. And sometimes criminal cases over the not-so-uncommon violence - a result of the civil cases. Most people paid fees by mortgaging land or valuables.

An old bar council election handbill. Cheaply printed on recycled paper. “Vote Support Elect. Chandan Singh Awana Group.” He had tried his hand at the local politics but that demanded too much money and he could barely make both ends meet. Plus everyone demanded too much money for even getting small jobs done. He was content being on the fringes.

A photo of him and a prominent local politician. He had garlanded him outside his house when the politician was canvassing for votes in the last elections in his area. A photographer had charged 30 rupees for a copy of the photo. The thug! But at least he had a nice souvenir. He should have this framed before it loses its sheen. But where will he put it up? One needs a wall for that, and all he has is one side of a metal pole of the tin-shed. Maybe he will tie a metallic wire and make a loop that will accommodate the photo.

©Ankur Jain, 2007. Any copying, by any means, without express written permission, is illegal.

I am glad that India Lost

I am glad that the Indian team has exited from the Cricket World Cup 2007. Before you collectively launch into lynching me for making that blasphemous statement, let me put forward my side of the story.

1. I am a great fan of the game of cricket, the Indian cricket team, its various players and things cricket in general.
2. That does not mean that I am mad about cricket. I used to be, especially when I was younger, but even then, I was never mad to the extent that I would blindly support my team.
3. Our team was under-prepared. Period. What people called experience of the side, was actually too much reliance on old-war horses. One-day cricket demands strong fielding and of the current bunch, very few can match the agility of our competitors. India's match against Bangladesh is a good example. Their on-field exuberance and enthusiasm reminded me of our own team in the days, when One-Day Cricket was picking up in India, and our cricketers were in general younger. Bangladesh saved 20-30 runs in the field and gave nothing away. They won the match in the last stages, and this run margin is critical.
4. We do not have good all-rounders in the one-day side. Our 1983 team had, wittingly or unwittingly, 7 all-rounders. That made the difference. If one did not deliver then the other did. If one failed in batting, as can happen to anyone, he did so with his fielding or bowling. That made a contribution of 11 players count many times. With a team of specialists, we fail on that count.
5. There is too much irrational expectation from fans that we will win all the time. We can't. Even Australia loses on a bad day. The Brazilians start as favourites in each Soccer World Cup. They also lose and go back home. Our players are fallible, just as anyone else. If they win, don't make them Gods. And if they lose, don't make them devils. They are human-beings. Let them remain that.
   
6. So, when India loses and goes out, I am happy because it is a reality check. It is time for the right expectations.

Hasta La Victoria Siempre!!!

True, isn't it?

The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me in life, do not make me the way I am...but reveal the way I am.
-Dr. Sam Peeples

Never make an excuse by saying, "I could not achieve because of...."; have the guts to say, "I achieved despite..."
-Anonymous

A tunnel 57 km long, 2 km underground!

As this article points out, the Alps is another frontier man is willing to challenge. Amazing, to say the least!

Taxation Demystified

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until on day, the owner threw them a curve.

"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20."Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings) .
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings) .
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got TEN times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We! didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, dear people, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

This was developed by Prof.David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D. Professor of Economics, University of Georgia

Formula 69 DVDs for sale

A letter from my cousin....do order the DVDs.
I hear the movie is good :)

Hi,
Formula 69 is a sci-fi comedy film about 3 IITians using their crazy inventions to solve a murder mystery and find a cure for terrorism.
(www.filmkaar.com/69.htm)
What's unusual about this film is that it has been made almost entirely with IITians.There were no people from the film industry involved in the making of this feature film.
We have just tied up with a few companies to distribute our feature film - Formula 69. The film DVDs are available for sale online through the following sites:
www.itasveer.com/formula69.do
www.indiatimes.com (direct indatimes link: http://tinyurl.com/2yb5x5)
[Duration: 99 minutes, Language: Hindi (with English subtitles), Censor Rating 'U', Price: Rs. 200/- only ]
So if you are getting bored in office, do some time pass, and order the movie to watch...over the weekend...or better still on a weekday in office.
Cheers
Tanya Singhal
Production Manager 'FORMULA 69'

The Dancing Cow

Michal and Kental started arguing as to which of them wrote the better music.

"My music is better," Michal said.
"My melodies bring tears to the eyes of all women."

"No, my music is better," Kental disagreed.
"My scores are more enchanting than anything! Your music couldn't move a cow, my poor Michal."

"And what do you think? That your scores would make it dance?"

The dispute was in full swing when a peasant passed by, leading his cow back home from the field. The two musicians saw an opportunity to put their theories to the test.

"Hello there," they said. "Would you mind if we played something for your cow?"
"Well, if it gives you pleasure, why not? She's seen a lot worse in her day, I can tell you."

Michal warmed his hands, tuned his balalaika and played the most beautiful melody ever heard by a cow. But without result - the beast ruminated without moving an ear. Vexed, Michal passed the instrument to his compatriot, who played a lively score with the same result - no reaction from the cow.

"It's a lost cause," Michal cried.
"Your cow does not have a musical ear."

"Well, I don't know about that," the peasant replied. "If you would lend me your instrument for a moment, I could play something for her."

Intrigued, Michal and Kental handed over the balalaika. The peasant did his best to imitate the humming of the flies and the mooing of little cows. The cow lifted her ears, started whipping her tail from side to side, and walked closer to the peasant as if to hear the music better.

Tailpiece
If you have trouble communicating with people, it may be that, like Michal and Kental, you are not playing the music they are used to hearing.

Moral
Don't try to flatter your listeners, but speak with words that they understand. Don't try to impose your meaning by using words and sentences that are too complex. As Robert Shapiro Said, "Because we think that we have to persuade, we forget how to listen."

Profound

There are three things that if a man does not know, he cannot live long in this world:
What is too much for him,
What is too little for him, and
What is just right for him.
- Swahili Proverb

Contrary Proverbs

• All good things come to those who wait. BUT Time and tide waits for no man.
• The pen is mightier than the sword. BUT Actions speak louder than words.
• Wise men think alike. BUT Fools seldom differ.
• The best things in life are free. BUT There's no such thing as a free lunch.
• Slow and steady wins the race. BUT Time waits for no man.
• Look before you leap. BUT Strike while the iron is hot.
• Do it well, or not at all. BUT Half a loaf is better than none.
• Birds of a feather flock together. BUT Opposites attract.
• Don't cross your bridges before you come to them. BUT Forewarned is forearmed.
• Doubt is the beginning of wisdom. BUT Faith will move mountains.
• Great starts make great finishes. BUT It ain't over 'till it's over.
• Practice makes perfect. BUT All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
• Silence is golden. BUT The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
• You're never too old to learn. BUT You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
• What's good for the goose is good for the gander. BUT One man's meat is another man's poison.
• Absence makes the heart grow fonder. BUT Out of sight, out of mind
• Too many cooks spoil the broth. BUT Many hands make light work.
• Hold fast to the words of your ancestors. BUT Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.

The Comet of 2007

I still fondly remember the comet Shoemaker-Levy. A spectacle that can be called AMAZING at the least. Here's news for another equally spectacular one. The Great Comet of 2007.

Marooned on an island

Mahesh and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.

However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!" Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Mahesh turns to his wife and asks, "Mona, did we pay our Rs 5 lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Mahesh, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master card yet?"
"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque," she says.

"One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the auto loan to them too this month?" he asks.
"Oh, forgive me, Mahesh," begged Mona. "I didn't send that one, either."

Mahesh grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, "So, why did you kiss me?"
Mahesh answers, "They'll find us!"

Matrimonial Ads

FISHERMAN :- Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.Must have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.

SALESMAN:- Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor's around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!

ECONOMIST:- I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.

MATHEMATICIAN:- Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.

IT CONSULTANT:- Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.

BUSINESS MAN:- Wife wanted for company.

POLITICIAN:- I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live,to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society.................
(etc etc and never getting to the point)

CAR DEALER:- Wanted a sturdy, reliable,low depreciating wife.Should be in excellent working condition.

FARMER:- Wanted a wife from good stock.Required for breeding.

LAWYER:- I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl.The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl.The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord Myself. Any objection?

How are answer sheets graded

A beautiful and tounge-in-cheek look at answer sheet grading can be seen here. Do look. One of the best I have seen :-D

Ek Aur Chatai

7 sadhu, 7 chatai per dhyaan lagakar baithe the.
Ek aadmi aaya aur sabse bujurg sadhu ko pranam kar poochta hai
"Maharaj ladki nahi pat rahi hai.. kya karu...?"
Woh sadhu sabse chote sadhu ko pukarta hain...aur kehtaa hai
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"chotu....ek aur chatai laga de beta...."

How True!!!

Fools are my theme, let satire be my song.

- Lord Byron (1788-1824), English poet.

Munna and Circuit

Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka?
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka toh?
Munna: Washington

Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna?
Munna: Come Here
Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.

Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chal-e-hat hawa aane de
Munna: simple hai yaar - Hey u move sideways let the air force come in.

Circuit: Bhai tum tho pass ho gela bhai
Munna: Yes bro i have just passed away

Munna: Abhi tu bol eh mamu bheja mat phira
Circuit: Mother's brother dont rotate my brain

Munna: Yeh bol idhar aa khajhur detha hun karcha pani
Circuit: Come with me for a date i will pay u

Munna: Ab yeh bol apun ko bahut sardi ho gayeli hai
Circuit: I got big winter in small nose

Ha Ha Ha

If you do somebody in Ireland a favour, you make an enemy for life.
- Hugh Leonard

Richard Feynman

For those of you, who have not heard of him, Richard Feynman was reputedly the person with the lowest IQ (even at this low end, he was fairly high, probably at 125) to win a Nobel prize for scientific pursuits. I learnt of him first when I read his book, "Surely You are Joking Mr. Feynman". His interests were diverse including physics, biology and lock picking!

He was, by nature, a very curious person; a quality that I personally possess to some extent, and cherish a great deal. Here's a 50 minute video of him, in an interview with the BBC. It is called "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out". An instruction in itself.

Just goes on to show that your curiosity can be a good substitute for very high IQ.

Sheer Determination

In 1870, a creative engineer named John Roebling was inspired by an idea to build a spectacular bridge connecting New York with the Long Island. However bridge building experts throughout the world thought that this was an impossible feat and told Roebling to forget the idea. It just could not be done. It was not practical. It had never been done before.

Roebling could not ignore the vision he had in his mind of this bridge. He thought about it all the time and he knew deep in his heart that it could be done. He just had to share the dream with someone else. After much discussion and persuasion he managed to convince his son Washington, an up and coming engineer, that the bridge in fact could be built.

Working together for the first time, the father and son developed concepts of how it could be accomplished and how the obstacles could be overcome. With great excitement and inspiration, and the headiness of a wild challenge before them, they hired their crew and began to build their dream bridge.

The project started well, but when it was only a few months underway a tragic accident on the site took the life of John Roebling. Washington was injured and left with a certain amount of brain damage, which resulted in him not being able to walk or talk or even move.

"We told them so."
"Crazy men and their crazy dreams."
"It's foolish to chase wild visions."

Everyone had a negative comment to make and felt that the project should be scrapped since the Roeblings were the only ones who knew how the bridge could be built. In spite of his handicap Washington was never discouraged and still had a burning desire to complete the bridge and his mind was still as sharp as ever.

He tried to inspire and pass on his enthusiasm to some of his friends, but they were too daunted by the task. As he lay on his bed in his hospital room, with the sunlight streaming through the windows, a gentle breeze blew the flimsy white curtains apart and he was able to see the sky and the tops of the trees outside for just a moment.

It seemed that there was a message for him not to give up. Suddenly an idea hit him. All he could do was move one finger and he decided to make the best use of it. By moving this, he slowly developed a code of communication with his wife.

He touched his wife's arm with that finger, indicating to her that he wanted her to call the engineers again. Then he used the same method of tapping her arm to tell the engineers what to do. It seemed foolish but the project was under way again.

For 13 years Washington tapped out his instructions with his finger on his wife's arm, until the bridge was finally completed. Today the spectacular Brooklyn Bridge stands in all its glory as a tribute to the triumph of one man's indomitable spirit and his determination not to be defeated by circumstances. It is also a tribute to the engineers and their team work, and to their faith in a man who was considered mad by half the world. It stands too as a tangible monument to the love and devotion of his wife who for 13 long years patiently decoded the messages of her husband and told the engineers what to do.

A never-say-die attitude overcomes a terrible physical handicap and achieves a challenging goal. Often when we face obstacles in our day-to-day life, our hurdles seem very small in comparison to what many others have to face. The Brooklyn Bridge shows us that dreams that seem impossible can be realized with determination and persistence, no matter what the odds are. Even the most distant dream can be realized with determination and persistence.

Of Weddings

Weddings in India are a public spectacle. Period. Of all that has been written about The Grand Indian Wedding, I think this one line sums up beautifully all that I have felt about the subject.

It is one thing to have a big wedding, it is completely another to manage it on one's own. In the olden days, when people had more time on hand, and weddings were month long affairs, grand preparations made sense. One had many things to do, but had much less to do per person, since the work got divided among many people.

With distances increasing and time reducing, the family affair of the weddings is missing. My closest relatives have arrived 3 days before the wedding, and other close relatives will arrive a day before the wedding.

This means that I have had to do most, if not all the tasks of the local variety. Expectations have probably not gone down as much as time available to fulfill them has. This means there is a serious crisis in terms of meeting everyone's whims and fancies.

If you want a big wedding, please come and organise one. That has been my fair cry so far. I am completely justified in saying that, I think. Inspite of that, I am still organising most of the wedding. Lagta hai, shaadi karne ki jagah, main shaadi karwata reh jaaonga :D

The Pencil's Parable

The Pencil's Parable ...

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be.

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be guided by Someone's hand.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark.

No matter what the condition is, you must continue to write. The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart. Now, put yourself in the place of the pencil. Always remember these five things and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

The Mindset

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for some reason, they did not.

I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."

I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? We need to change our Mindset, and then we can definitely do, what we want!

Bullish or Bearish

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Blanton is on another line."
"This is Mr. Wellington's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"Well," the secretary replied, "He's talking to his wife,so I'd say he's mostly sheepish at the moment."

Kuch Idhar Se Kuch Udhar Se

I'm all for gun control. Sometimes I shake a little; I've got to use two hands.
-Tom Kearney

Of course we need firearms. You never know when some nut is going to come up to you and say something like, 'You're fired.'You gotta be ready.
-Dave Attell

Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

According to an article in USA Today, children from single-parent homes have much better verbal skills than children from two-parent homes. However, children from two-parent homes are far superior at bitterly sarcastic repartee.
-Dennis Miller

It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you place the blame.

Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
-Lech Walesa

One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
-Antonio Porchia

May all your troubles in the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions.
-Irish Proverb

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
-African Proverb

If you stand straight, do not fear a crooked shadow.
-Chinese Proverb

Better to ask twice than to lose your way once.
-Danish proverb

News from MDI

Management Development Institute, Gurgaon, has finished with best ever lateral placement and expects its final placements too, to be the best this year. The salary levels, the institute says are expected to go up as much as 25 per cent with around 50 companies visiting the campus. However, the final numbers will be known once the lateral placement are over by mid-February and final placements by March 10.
Source: Business Standard

Update to Hotel Kerela-Fonia

In continuation to this post, about the anthem of batch of MDI 1996-98, here is the audio version now :-D - Thanks to Umesh Tejwani for this.

MDI in the media

PFC has partnered with Management Development Institute (MDI) in Gurgaon for an MBA programme in power distribution management. This two-year programme is especially meant for senior level managers.
Source: Business Standard

MDI, Gurgaon is the first institute in India to receive accreditation from AMBA (Association of MBAs).
Source: Economic Times

The Master Is a ...

When the great Sufi mystic, Hasan, was dying, somebody asked "Hasan, who was your master?" He said, "I had thousands of masters. If I just relate their names it will take months, years and it is too late. But three masters I will certainly tell you about.

One was a thief. Once I got lost in the desert, and when I reached a village it was very late, everything was closed. But at last I found one man who was trying to make a hole in the wall of a house. I asked him where I could stay and he said 'At this time of night it will be difficult, but you can stay with me - if you can stay with a thief'. And the man was so beautiful. I stayed for one month! And each night he would say to me, 'Now I am going to my work. You rest, you pray.' When he came back I would ask 'Could you get anything?' He would say, 'Not tonight. But tomorrow I will try again, God willing.' He was never in a state of hopelessness, he was always happy. When I was meditating and meditating for years on end and nothing was happening, many times the moment came when I was so desperate, so hopeless, that I thought to stop all this nonsense. And suddenly I would remember the thief who would say every night, 'God willing, tomorrow it is going to happen.'

And my second master was a dog. I was going to the river, thirsty and a dog came. He was also thirsty. He looked into the river, he saw another dog there -- his own image -- and became afraid. He would bard and run away, but his thirst was so much that he would come back. Finally, despite his fear, he just jumped into the water, and the image disappeared. And I knew that a message had come to me from God: one has to jump in spite of all fears.

And the third master was a small child. I entered a town and a child was carrying a lit candle. He was going to the mosque to put the candle there. 'Just joking,' I asked the boy, 'have you lit the candle yourself?' He said, 'Yes sir.' And I asked, 'There was a moment when the candle was unlit, and then there was a moment when the candle was lit. Can you show me the source from which the light came?' And the boy laughed, blew out the candle, and said, 'Now you have seen the light going. Where has it gone? You will tell me!' My ego was shattered; my whole knowledge was shattered. And that moment I felt y own stupidity. Since then I dropped all my knowledge ability.

It is true that I had no master. That does not mean that I was not a disciple -- I accepted the whole existence as my master. My Disciple-hood was a greater involvement than yours is. I trusted the clouds, the trees. I trusted existence as such. I had no master because I had millions of masters I learned from every possible source.

To be a disciple is a must on the path. What does it mean to be a disciple? It means to be able to learn, to be available to learn, to be vulnerable to existence. With a master you start learning to learn.

The master is a swimming pool where you can learn how to swim. Once you have learned, all the oceans are yours.

Don as a software professional

Don ka intazar toh 11 companies ke HR kar rahe hai....par ek baat samajh lo ki Don ko retain karna muskil hi nahi namumkin hai.

Kisi bhi company ki diware itni majboot nahi jo Don ko retain kar sake.

Don ko woh company bikul pasand nahi hai jo kaam karaye
Aur
Doosri woh jo paise kam de....

Don ko do type ki companies bilkul pasand nahin
Ek jo Recruit karne main bhaut der kare
Aur Doosri wo jo fauran (Immediate) recruit kar le.

And finally the ultimate

Don ke PM ki sabse badi galti ye hai...ki woh Don ka PM hai...!!!!!

Company Policy

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth.

Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.

And that, my friends, is how company policy begins.

Random

An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
- Ambrose Bierce

There are three things that if a man does not know, he cannot live long in this world:

What is too much for him;

What is too little for him; and;

What is just right for him.

- Swahili Proverb

A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed, "Come and bury my wife."

"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.

"I got married again," the man sobbed.

"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations."

The thoughtless are rarely wordless.

- Howard W. Newton

She said she bought her dress for a ridiculous price. The truth is, she bought it for an absurd figure.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.
- G. K. Chesterton

You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.

- Fortune Cookie Message

Mañana is often the busiest day of the week.
- Spanish Proverb
[Mañana means tomorrow or some unspecified time in the future. This is so true.]

Italian Knighthood for MDI Director

The government of Italy has decided to confer knighthood on Dr. Sujit Basu, MDI's esteemed director, also the former vice chancellor of Visva-Bharati University, for his efforts to strengthen the ties between India and Italy.

Insightful...

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Never...

Never accept a drink from a urologist.
-Erma Bombeck

Never say anything on the phone that you wouldn't want your mother to hear at your trial.
-Sydney Biddle Barrows, the "Mayflower Madam"

Never say "Oops" in the operating room.
- Dr. Leo Troy

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end". Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
-Tim Allen

Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.
-Dan Zevin

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
-Harry S. Truman

Never drive through a small Southern town at 100mph with the local sheriff's drunken 16-year-old daughter on your lap.
-Anonymous member of a chain gang

Never invoke the gods (or goddesses) unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.
-G.K. Chesterton

Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.
-Woodrow Wilson

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
-John Peers

Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.
-Ruth Gordon

Tough

Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave.
- Jack Howell

Scared of Santa

A huge man with a big potbelly, a huge face full of white hair and over-sized everything else. Who would not be scared of Santa Claus. These kids certainly were.

How to prank a telemarketer

This is really cute. How to prank a telemarketer. With the menace of loans, credit cards, restaurant memberships, resort and holiday share schemes and what not on offer on my telephone, I am strongly tempted to use this in India too.

The 10/20/30 Rule of Presentations

In continuation of my exploratin of Guy Kawasaki's blog, here is the 10/20/30 rule of presentations, which, put in a nutshell says that one should have:

1. No more than 10 slides in a presentation
   
2. No more than 20 minutes for presentation
3. No font less than size 30 on the presentation

I agree completely. Interesting, this is essentially a repeat of what my MDI communications professor, Dr. Vasanti Srinivasan, taught me more than 10 years ago, but this is more succinctly put.

This simple mnemonic way of presenting complex data is helpful. I remember another one, which is called the 20/20/20 principle of using a computer. After every 20 minutes of using a PC, look at a thing at least 20 feet away and blink your eyes rapidly 20 times. This prevents dry eye and itching and most of the common eye problems for people who use PCs heavily.

The Top Ten Lies of Entrepreneurs

Guy Kawasaki, of Apple fame, now a venture capitalist, lists the top ten lies he keeps hearing. Have a look at the incisive list.

Of Sreesanth and India

Still recovering from India's emphatic win over SA in the first test match at Johannesberg, I have watched Sreesanth's impromptu dance in the field many times on youtube and Google videos. Have a look at them here and here.

His dance is the symbol of a strong sociological change in India. Earlier teams of India have been meek mice, especially outside India. We have never been confident of ourselves, which is a clear mark of our position in the world, economic, strategic or otherwise. With Indians flexing their muscles in various fields, we are emerging as a stronger and more confident nation and people in general. Tata's aggressive bids outside India on various tea companies, beverage companies and now steel companies is a clear case in point. Arcelor's acquisition by an Indian, and the protests against that by various Europeans, are yet another symbol of the emergence of India.

Our cricketers too are a part of the system and are not untouched by the sweeping changes. The amount of media glare and the resultant moolah has made cricket an especially strong cauldron of India's sociological maelstrom.

Sreesanth's defiant posturing, his I-will-not-bow-down-before-this-white-skin-loudmouth is pop patriotism for you. It titillates us. It makes us live vicariously about the pleasure of showing to the world that we are no less. And his on-field antics make him the darling of the newsbyte-hungry media.

Indian cricketers have generally been tame. However Sreesanth is different. He follows in the aggressive footsteps of Polly Umrigar, "Tiger" Pataudi, Salim Durrani, Bishen Singh Bedi, Kapil Dev, Srikanth, Sachin Tendulkar, Virendra Sehwag and of course Ganguly. Dada showed what he was capable of, from the Lord's Balcony. Sehwag had the audacity to hit his triple ton with a six at Multan. Sreesanth has surpassed them with his "Karara Jawab". Kudos and may he do more of this.

RINDERCILLA: A TAIRY FALE

Once uton a pime in a corn funtry there lived a geautiful birl and her name was Rindercella. Now Rindercella lived with her two sad blisters and her mugly other. Also in this corn funtry there liv inviting all the geautiful birls from riles amound. But Rindercella gouldn't co. She had to make dancy fesses for her two sad blisters and her mugly other.

While they all went off to the bancy fall, Rindercella just cat down and shried. She was just citting there a shrying when there appeared before her - her jerry mud father! "Rindercella," she asked, "Shry do you why?" Rindercella mold her jerry mud father of her werrible tork.

Just then her jerry mud father made Rindercella a geautiful bown and took two mield fice and a tumpkin and purned them into two stighty malions and cig boach! Off to the bancy fall went Rindercella, with the warning that she must go home before the mid clock struck night.

As Rindercella entered the bancy fall the pransome hince saw her through a widden hindow and thought she gas worgeous! They danced and danced and soon they lell in fove. Suddenly, the mid clock struck night and fearing her cig boach would purn into a tumpkin, Rindercella staced down the rairs. But as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper.

Well the nery vext day the pransome hince searched the corn funtry for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. He tried it on Rindercella's mugly other, but if fidn't dit. He tried it on her sad blisters... Then, the dripper fit only Rindercella at last.

Now the storal of the mory: If you ever go to a bancy fall to meet a pransome hince with the hopes of lalling in fove, don't forget to slop your dripper!

Good Bye Mom

I was walking through the supermarket to pick up a few things when I noticed an old lady following me around. Thinking nothing of it, I ignored her and continued on. Finally I went to the checkout line, but she got in front of me.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," I said to her, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mom?' It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," I said. An odd request, but no harm would come of it.
As the old woman was leaving, I called out, "Good Bye, Mom!"
As I stepped up to the checkout counter, I saw that my total was $1027.50.
"How can that be?" I asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

Where?

An African chieftain flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.

The chief made a series of weird noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."

Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"

The chief made the same noises: "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z..." Then he said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building."

"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.

The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z... From the short-wave radio."

Worth a snort

A suicide hotline is where they talk to you until you don't feel like killing yourself. Exactly the opposite of tele-marketing.

- Dana Snow

I laughed so much at this that I actually snorted.

Assorted Thoughts

• God will not give you a burden you can not handle; so if you ever find yourself in a mess that is impossible to resolve, take it as a compliment. God thinks you can do it!
• People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
  - Ogden Nash
• The petty economies of the rich are just as amazing as the silly extravagances of the poor.
  - William Feather
• If your income doesn't keep up with your outgo, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
• Every year education gets more expensive, but ignorance costs even more.
  - Sam Ewing
• Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
• If at first an idea isn't totally absurd, there's no hope for it.
  - Albert Einstein
• I drink to your charm, your beauty, and your brains - which gives you a rough idea of how hard up I am for a drink.
  - Groucho Marx
• He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
  - Joseph Heller
• Give a jackass an education and you get a smartass.
• A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
  - Mark Twain
• No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
  - Eleanor Roosevelt
• He doesn't have an inferiority complex. He really is inferior.
• You have a lot of funny lines - too bad they're all in your face.

What Teachers Make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Susan. Be honest. What do you make?"

Susan, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?

"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I make a C+ feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor. I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence.

"You want to know what I make?

I make kids wonder.
I make them question.
I make them criticize.
I make them apologize and mean it.
I make them write
I make them read, read, read.
I make them show all their work in Math and perfect their final drafts in English.
I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your heart, and if
someone ever tries to judge you by what you make, you must pay no attention
because they just didn't learn."

Susan paused and then continued. "You want to know what I make?
'I MAKE A DIFFERENCE.'

“Incidentally, what do you make?"

Congratulations on getting married

Now that I am condemned to death..err...engaged to be married, there are a lot of reactions from the many people who come to know about my impending doom.

1. A simple "Congratulations". Short, sweet and simple.
   
2. "Shaadi Kab Hai? I need to make plans for that day" Mostly from over-busy friends and relatives.
3. "Photo dikhao". Ab mere paas ho toh dikhaoon na. Waise karoge kya dekh kar? Post-match analysis karoge? [Pun intended]
   
4. Shock and disbelief on face and in the voice. Mouth agape. After some time to adjust the mouth back to its normally-occluded stance, a guttural growl "How can YOU get married?" Kyun bhai, mere ko shaadi karna manaa hai kya?
   
5. "You are not married? I always thought you were married." Now what I am supposed to say this simply escapes me.
6. "My deepest sympathies are with you." This one comes from men who have been married for some time. I noticed that the strength of this greeting is inversely proportional to the amount of hair left on the greeter's head.
7. "NAHIN.....AISA NAHIN HO SAKTA.......MAIN LUT GAYEE....MAIN BARBAAD HO GAYEEEEEE" - OK, this is more of wishful thinking but I think I may have seen a few elements of the fair gender mouthing something to this effect.
   

Perfect System

A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.
A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."
The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."

It's all in the spin

Hillary, an amateur genealogical researcher, discovered that her great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows.

On the back of the picture is this inscription: "Remus Rodham; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."

In Hillary's Family History, her staff of professional image consultants, cropped Remus's picture, scanned it in as an enlarged image, and edited with image processing software so that all that's seen is a head shot.

The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows: "Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

Replies and Promises

Never reply to anyone when in anger, and never make any promises when in happiness.
- Anonymous

How to calculate the value of Pi by throwing food

For those with surplus food and time, and the inquisitiveness to find out the value of Pi, which incidentally is 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510, here is the perfect solution. Throw food to calculate Pi. Wow!

Summers Process at IIM-A

A blow-by-blow account of how summers at IIM-A are handled. Have a dekko.

The Five Most Expensive Addictions

Alcohol: Estimated annual cost: $166 billion. Binge drinking hits the unemployed harder on a per capita basis - 10.4%, vs. 8.4% of employed people. It is most prevalent in small metropolitan locales, rather than big cities or rural areas. The $18 billion spent on alcohol and drug treatment last year represented 1.3% of all health care spending.

Smoking: Estimated annual cost: $157 billion. The tab includes $75 billion in direct medical expenses, with the rest in lost productivity from ill patients missing work. Given the low-tax (or no-tax) underground cigarette economy on the Web and on Indian reservations, it's unlikely that sales and usage have dropped much over the past decade, official government statistics notwithstanding.

Drugs: Estimated annual cost: $110 billion. Like alcohol, illicit drug use is more prevalent among the unemployed. Most addicts are also heavy drinkers, though only a small minority of alcoholics are drug abusers. Crystal meth has followed marijuana, cocaine and heroin as the drug of choice among the young set.

Overeating: Estimated annual cost: $107 billion. Overeating increases the risk of many health problems, including heart attacks. Obesity causes 14% of attacks suffered by males and 20% of those suffered by females, the National Institutes for Health says, and fewer than a third of adults get regular exercise. The bulk of the $107 billion is the direct cost to treat heart disease, osteoarthritis, hypertension, gall bladder disease and cancer.

Gambling: Estimated annual cost: $40 billion. Addicted gamblers often feel compelled to chase after bad bets with more money in the hope of winning back their losses. And some who catch the fever develop the need to periodically raise the betting stakes to keep the same thrill. Also, addicts often face job loss, bankruptcy and forced home sales, and they are at greater risk to commit crimes like forgery and embezzlement.

~By Tom Van Riper, Forbes Magazine~