Saturday, May 30, 2009

Bambai vs. Dilli

Ten reasons why South Mumbai did not vote

10. Clashed with Salsa class
9. Election whites not drycleaned
8. No candidate a hottie
7. Tony Jethmalani contesting from suburbs. Sigh
6. No valet parking at booth
5. Spotted servant in queue ahead of us
4. Driver did not come
3. "Elections over dude, Obama won!"
2. No party tackling real issues, eg, reduce Gold Gym rates
1. No home delivery!

Why Delhi turned up to vote

1. They loved the Tata Tea ad
2. They saw the Chopras go out, and thought they must overtake the Lancer from left
3. Bunty's girlfriend wanted it when they were going out for some Chinese
4. Diwan Saheb on second floor persuaded them. He is jaaaint sectry in DPCC
5. Without stable government, real estate will not revive
6. Election Commission directly asked Pappu. So nice of them!
7. Grandfather started talking on Partition, and they had to run
8. Auntyji hoped some TV crew will come and take a soundbite
9. Baba Ramdev said it is good for health

And finally
10. They had to beat the Bambaiyaas. Izzat ka sawaal hai, hainji?

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Bill Gates & Kantibhai

BILL GATES organizes an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assemble in a large room. One of the candidates is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never have had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates askes the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has left.

Bill Gates joins them and says 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says...... 'kem chho?'

The other candidate answers ........ 'ek dam majama.'

Monday, May 04, 2009

MBAs - A fresh perspective!

A favourite one of mine:

MBA मरते नहीं, जिंदा दफनाये जाते हैं,
हर तीन महीने में तड़पाए जाते हैं,
कब्र खोल कर देखो तो,
कब्र में भी presentation देते हुए पाए जाते हैं !