उठो लाल अब आखें खोलो

Nostalgia! A simple poem. I never read it as a child but probably my mother did. She used to wake me up sometimes by reciting this poem. She did this jokingly even after I was 30...sometimes splashing my face with water when I would refuse to get up on lazy winter mornings!

She passed away 10 years ago. I saw this recently and was reminded of her. How cruel destiny seems sometimes.

Rules for Sons

RULES FOR SONS:

1. Never shake someone’s hand while you are in a seated position.
2. Don’t enter a pool by the stairs.
3. Being the man at the BBQ Grill is the closest thing to being king.
4. In a negotiation, never make the first offer.
5. Request the late check-out.
6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.
7. Hold your heroes to a higher standard.
8. Return a borrowed car with a full tank of gas.
9. Play with passion or not at all.
10. When shaking hands, grip firmly and look them in the eye.
11. Don’t let a wishbone grow where a backbone should be.
12. If you need music on the beach, you’re missing the point.
13. Carry two handkerchiefs. The one in your back pocket is for you. The one in your breast pocket is for her.
14. You marry the girl, you marry her family.
15. Be like a duck. Remain calm on the surface and paddle like crazy underneath.
16. Experience the serenity of traveling alone.
17. Never be afraid to ask out the best looking girl in the room.
18. Never turn down a breath mint.
19. A sport coat is worth 1000 words.
20. Try writing your own eulogy. Never stop revising.
21. Thank a veteran. Then make it up to him.
22. Eat lunch with the new kid.
23. After writing an angry email, read it carefully. Then delete it.
24. Ask your mom to play. She won’t let you win.
25. Manners maketh the man.
26. Give credit. Take the blame.
27. Stand up to Bullies. Protect those bullied.
28. Write down your dreams.
29. Always protect your siblings (and teammates).
30. Be confident and humble at the same time.
31. Call and visit your parents often. They miss you.
32. The healthiest relationships are those where you’re a team; where you respect, protect, and stand up for each other.

The rules were adapted from the “whatgirlswant” blog on Tumblr
The Art of Manliness

Calvin and Hobbes

All Calvin and Hobbes Ever Published

Secularism: Required or not?

Does India need secularism? Do we need secularism? In this era of “sickulars”, is secularism under threat in India? Is Modi really a non-secular leader?

What exactly is secularism? Do we understand it? While political scientists or learned politicians will know this, I feel that the average person on the street does not really understand the exact meaning of this term.  And that is a big source of confusion.

Secularism, as defined by the dictionary is, “the principle of separation of the state from religious institutions”. Its origins are in the fight over power between the church and the state in medieval and modern Europe. The Popes were utilised by the Kings to gain legitimacy for their rule and their approval meant a lot for the peasantry. A peasant feared religion and God and if the Pope said that the King was a representative of God on Earth, and his will was God’s will, then the peasant accepted that, inspire of taxes, tyranny and torture. Thus, the Popes were actually more powerful than the Kings in some way. That led to the rise of the power of the Popes, especially the politically motivated ones. This led to a power struggle between two power centres. Over a period of time, the Popes and the Kings realised that there was no way they could win the battle against each other and arrived at this principle of keeping religion and state separate from each other. With the advent of the age of science and Enlightenment, this principle has only gained following, so much so that many modern democracies have adopted secularism as a state policy.

India, when gaining independence, was yet another modern democracy. It also struggled with the idea of declaring India as a secular country or not. The proceedings of the Constituent Assembly from 1946-1949, show the intense amount of debate that we went through on this important topic. It was crucial to discuss this, because India was being partitioned ostensibly on religious lines. But, we finally did NOT declare ourselves as secular.

This comes as a surprise to many of us! Are we not secular? But doesn’t the Preamble to the constitution mention the word “secular”. We have read this in our NCERT text books in school. Well, that is true. But do you know the history of that word?

Our original constitution did not declare us as Secular. The word secular is not present in the original constitution except for Article 25(2a), where the use is to merely define activities that are non-religious in nature. For a nation that was suffering a massive loss of territory and people due the partition, it was a strange thing to not declare us secular. 

The reason for this is what I have already explained earlier; the meaning of the word. If we were to declare ourselves to be secular, then that would not mean no interference in the domain of politics by religion and no interference in religion by politics and the state. For a country so steeped in religion and rituals and other such, it was practically unimaginable. Our rulers were ruling us in the name of the God (the British did that and so did the Indian Kings, Rajas, Maharajas, Nawabs, Sultans and Nizams etc.). For our people to have a new reality that the new leaders of the country were not going to interfere in religion or gain legitimacy from it was something perhaps hard to adjust to. 

It was equally hard for politicians to let go of the powerful imagery of religion. Mahatma Gandhi regularly used religious imagery, Hindu and Muslim, in his political discourses. His mother, Putlibai was a Jain and Jainism is described as the fountainhead of his doctrine of non-violence in his autobiography. Sardar Patel was actively engaged in the repair and reconstruction of the Somnath Temple, which had been ravaged by marauders from the Central Asian region. Nehru and Jinnah had aversion to religion (both were far removed from the supposed tenets of their respective religions in their personal lives) but had no compunctions in using it in achieving their political ambitions. Ambedkar too felt that religion had a strong role in mobilising people and he converted to Buddhism in his twilight years, more as a social and political statement than any real benefits that accrued to him. Tilak had used Ganesh Utsav as a massive social and political movement generator in and around the Bombay-Pune belt in the 1890s, a movement that still reverberates as a massive cultural phenomenon. Many other politicians had similar ideas about secularism. It simply wasn’t the thing for India.

In such a scenario, it is hardly surprising that the founding fathers of the modern country did not think of separating these two powerful forces from each other. They were using religion in their political lives, since it was and remains a powerful tool to motivate/channelize people’s energies.

However, what changed during the Emergency in 1976 that prompted Indira Gandhi to insert the word secular (along with Socialist, another of her pet ideas) in the preamble to the constitution of India? In fact she made so many changes to the constitution with this, the 42nd Amendment to the constitution, which it is commonly referred to as the mini constitution.

We can only enter the realm of speculation as to why she did it? She was shrewd and could see the rise of right-wing parties. While they may not have been massively successful till her time, they were finding their voice. Many states had experimented with limited right wing movements and some, like Punjab, had openly chosen right wing parties. Her calculation could have been that by limiting the role of religion in politics, she could checkmate these religion based parties in advance. Whatever the reason, we were suddenly declared secular, after more than 25 years of no such ideas.

When the Emergency was lifted, the word came under much scrutiny. The Supreme Court was asked to rule on this word and its place in the Indian Constitution. The court said that it was duly voted in and is therefore an integral part of the constitution. But that presented some peculiar problems. If we were indeed secular then state should have no role in religious institutions. But the government had active interference in religion and religious bodies. It gave subsidies to pilgrims (e.g. for Haj to Muslims and for Kailash Mansarovar to Hindus, Buddhists and Jains), states had temple ministries that actively managed temples, priests and their funds (e.g. in Tamil Nadu and Rajasthan) and they paid salaries to clerics of various religions (e.g. in UP today). Either all this had to stop or the word had to be removed but not both. The court said that both must co-exist. And for that, an ingenious solution, in the form of a change in the meaning of the word was introduced. The court said that secular in the Indian context means not that state has no interference in religious institutions; rather, it means that all religions were to be treated equally by the state!

So that is where matters stand today. Our government can interfere in religious matters, as long as it interferes equally :)

So when you discuss secularism in India in its modern context, which definition are you using? Unless there is basic agreement on what we are discussing, it is simply not possible to discuss at all.

As far as the benefits of secularism are concerned, personally I prefer that the original definition of non-interference be applied to India. Religion should not have a place in running the government of the country. Religion is a matter of personal choice and it should remain so. We need only look at the example of countries with state religions like Pakistan, Saudi Arabia or erstwhile Nepal to realise that their levels of social, economic, political and other manners of development are much lower than truly secular countries. These countries are run by diktats that are based on out-dated ideas that do not take into account modern realities. As a personal choice, people are free to practise their religion but states should not be run according to ideas that cannot be changed. 

India is not a secular state by the original definition. Even by the modified definition, we are not really there. Most of our political parties when in power will try to favour one religious group over another in an attempt to garner votes and find favour with vote banks. And thus, our development too suffers. Actions speak louder than words. You need to look at not what parties claim about their secularism, but what they actually do about religion based priorities.

True secularism will require the Indian voter to demand it from the politicians. Only then will we be able to achieve it.

© Ankur Jain, 2015

The History of the Internet

The Pictorial History of the Internet.

Interconnected Tech Companies

A very nice look at the world of tech companies  - They are all the same :)

Click on the image to see the complete version.

Urzu Durkut

Lovely Song......


Lyrics
Chann Se Bole Chamake Jab Charaar Bole
Kwaab Dekha Hai Aankh Ka Khumaar Bole
Kwaab Chalke Toh Aankh Se Tapake Bole
Channa Chlake Toh Poora Aabshaar Bole
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
La La La Laa
Urzu Urzdurkut
Tank Tank Tank Tank Tana Tana
Chann Se Bole Chamake Jab Charaar Bole
Kwaab Dekha Hai Aankh Ka Khumaar Bole
Kwaab Chalke Toh Aankh Se Tapake Bole
Channa Chlake Toh Poora Aabshaar Bole
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
La Laa La
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
La Laa La

Naa Naa Naa Na Naaa

Hare Kwaab Ki Yeh Hari Choodiyan
Kalayi Mein Kisne Bhari Choodiyan
Hare Kwaab Ki Yeh Hari Choodiyan
Kalayi Mein Kisne Bhari Choodiyan
Uti Neend Se Chali Aayi Mein
Saath Hi Aagayi Meri Choodiyan
Saath Hi Aagayi Meri Choodiyan


Ankh Bole Kwab Kwab Deelthe Raho
Roz Koyi Ek Chand Bhelte Raho
Chaand Toote Toh Tukde Tukde Baatlena
Bol Pahiyaan Hai Raat Din Takelte Raho
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
Lala La

Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
Chann Se Bole Chamke Jab Charaar Bole
Kwaab Dekha Hai Aankh Ka Khumaar Bole
Kwaab Chalke Toh Aankh Se Tapake Bole
Channa Chlake Toh Poora Aabshaar Bole
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
La Laa La
Urzu Urzdurkut Urzu Urzdurkut
La Laa La
Hmm Hmm

Three Things One Must Know

There are three things that if a man does not know, he cannot live long in this world:
What is too much for him,
What is too little for him, and
What is just right for him.
     -- Swahili Proverb

From a student - Aditya Goel  - The juvenility in a child's thoughts, the full play in his actions, the range of his imagination, compel me to wish if each person could be as innocent, and not let facts get in his way. As puerile as it could get, your imagination will keep you calm in tribulations; and who knows, one of those unconventional dreams might come true.

ख्वाबों के किस्से,

अगर सुबह से होते,

अपने मन की करते,

और मीठे सपने पिरोते.

अपने नामों को लिखना,

गीली मिटटी में होता,

हर रोज़ का गुस्सा,

बस किताबों से होता.

डर वोह मन का,

सिर्फ माँ से ही होता,

हर झूठ, हर रोना,

एक खिलोने में खोता.

रियासत के किस्से,

झूठी कहानियों में होते,

और उनके हिस्से,

हम सोते ही होते.

कभी परेशानियों में,

वोह मुस्कुराना सच्चा होता,

क्या दुनिया वोह होती,

जहां हर कोई बच्चा होता.

- आदित्य गोयल

Soar Beyond your Fears!

Once there was a king who received a gift of two magnificent falcons from Arabia. They were peregrine falcons, the most beautiful birds he had ever seen. He gave the precious birds to his head falconer to be trained.

Months passed and one day the head falconer informed the king that though one of the falcons was flying majestically, soaring high in the sky, the other bird had not moved from its branch since the day it had arrived.

The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to the falcon, but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to the member of his court, but the next day, the king saw through the palace

window that the bird had still not moved from its perch. Having tried everything else, the king thought to himself, "May be I need someone more familiar with the countryside to understand the nature of this problem." So he cried out to his court, "Go and get a farmer."

In the morning, the king was thrilled to see the falcon soaring high above the palace gardens. He said to his court, "Bring me  the doer of this miracle."

The court quickly located the farmer, who came and stood before the king. The king asked him, "How did you make the falcon fly?"

With his head bowed, the farmer said to the king, " It was very easy, your highness. I simply cut the branch where the bird was sitting."

We are all made to fly -- to realize our incredible potential as human beings. But instead of doing that, we sit on our branches, clinging to the things that are familiar to us. The possibilities are endless, but for most of us, they remain undiscovered. We conform to the familiar, the comfortable, the mundane. So for the most part, our lives are mediocre instead of exciting, thrilling and fulfilling.

So let us learn to destroy the branch of fear we cling to and free ourselves to the glory of flight.

Tees Maar Khan

So...I finally watched Tees Maar Khan. Despite strong protestations from so many, I had decided to watch it and watch I did.

Here's my take on the same.....

It was a different movie. If you have seen Hollywood spoof movies then you would understand this movie. I have seen at least three. I do not remember the names of even one but there are three I have seen. One is the spoof Hollywood action movies with exaggerations of the silly scenes of these movies. Then there was one which was about Superheroes and all the silly things of such movies, like wearing your underwear over your pants etc. being highly exaggerated. And then there was this movie with Angelina Jolie which was a spoof of Troy and some other American/Hollywood stuff.

What Farah Khan was trying was to make a spoof of Bollywood and its associated idiosyncracies. The Punjabi secretary (better pronounced as sectry), the Oscar crazy actor, the insider jokes over Danny Doyle and Manoj Day Shayamalan are clear cases to prove this.

However, where she fell short is that her self-referential locus could not maintain the centrality of the ideas as a result of the confusion of goals and hence the resultant amalgamation of ideas instead of the expected dichotomy of the two genres! In simple words, she forgot that she is making a spoof. End result, it is neither a movie nor a spoof. It is both and hence neither! 

It could have been way better had only one aim been maintained. She is two boats and hence in the water.

Sachin Tendulkar

It has happened - Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar has hit his 50th test century. And it once again set my memory rolling back to the past. I have always wanted to write this post every time he has hit a new record but I think everything has its time.

I was mad about cricket since 1986. The passion started  in class VI when India brownwashed England in England 2-0. It intensified in 1987 when Gavaskar reached 10,000 runs in test cricket, the first batsman to do so. And then, World Cup happened in India. Although India lost in the semis (damn you Gooch, you with your sweep stroke!) the fever was all set. The greats of those days were Gavaskar, Imran Khan, Kapil Dev, Abdul Qadir, Vengsarkar, Krishnamachari Srikanth, Vivian Richards, Curtly Ambrose, Malcom Marshall, Gordon Greenidge etc. I was greatly influenced by Qadir, whose mesmerising action I completely imbibed.  I was always running with his diagnol action, even when I walked on the road!

And then I heard about Sachin Tendulkar. It was 1988 and this boy shattered a few records with a record partnership of 664 in a school tournament in Bombay along with his classmate, Vinod Kambli. Kambli made 349 and Tendulkar 324. The newspaper article made a lot of their young age (they were 15 and I was 13). That impressed me :) The wonder boy made it to the Ranji team of Bombay very soon and hit 100 on debut against Gujrat. That was cool.....and then soon we heard that he was going to Pakistan in 1989. 

He hit Qadir for four consecutive sixes in a practice game and that had me hooked. To me, no one was over Qadir and here was this tich of a boy, hitting him all over the ground. My Qadir fascination ended soon after :-)

He was playing for India when I was in school. He was there when I was in college and then when I was doing my MBA, he was murdering Warne & co. I had been placed and there was a lot of time in the final trimester of MBA when Australia toured India. Warne was massacred....and we were thrilled. Watching cricket in a hostel has its own charm....with the running commentary of 50 other people adding to the whole atmosphere.

I still rue the 136 in Chennai where India lost by 12 runs to Pakistan. I think it makes us realise that he too is human, not God. And that adds to his charm. Had he won every match for India, it would be less fascinating. It is the recognition of the fact that he too is like us, fallible and prone to mistakes, that makes him all the more appealing.

His 98 against Pakistan in 2003 WC was another innings that stands out in my memory. The aerial shot against Shoaib Akhtar was the pinnacle of that innings.

He is still out there....it is amazing that almost all my cricket memories are with Sachin. To me, he is Indian cricket. His humility, and his perseverance are commendable. He still practices and is the hardest working cricketer. That is what sets him apart from the others. It is not just a God-gifted ability or a natural talent but the honing and polishing of himself that makes him what he is.

Salutations, O great One! Play as long as you enjoy. We enjoy your craft!

Entitlement Mentality

One young, academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview and was to make the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "none".

The director asked, " Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" The youth answered, "My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked, " Where did your mother work?" The youth answered, "My mother worked as clothes cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked, " Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time. Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked: " Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?" The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked, " please tell me your feelings." The youth said, Number 1, I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today. Number 2, by working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done. Number 3, I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said, " This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement. He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

PJ Shayari

वो सड़क के इस तरफ थे,

हम सड़क के उस तरफ थे,

(वाह वाह)

वो सड़क के इस तरफ थे,

हम सड़क के उस तरफ थे,

(वाह वाह)

कुछ हम बढ़े, कुछ वो बढ़े,

कुछ हम और बढ़े, कुछ वो और बढ़े,

हम कुछ और बढ़े, वो कुछ और बढ़े,

(अबे आगे तो बोल)

अब हम सड़क के इस तरफ हैं,

वो सड़क के उस तरफ हैं!

Raavan

Saw Raavan.....essentially Ramayan+Stockholm Syndrome+Modern politics. Very good movie. As I read somewhere....poetry in motion. The visual impact is best enjoyed in a cinema hall.

Mani Ratnam has the guts to present such a fantastic interpretation of the timeless epic.

Great work !

ABC of Bengalis

A is for Awpheesh. This is where the average Kolkakatan goes and spends a day hard at work. And if he works for the 'Vest Bengal Gawrment' he will arrive at 10, wipe his forehead till 11, have a tea break at 12, throw around a few files at 12.30, break for lunch at 1, smoke an unfiltered cigarette at 2, break for tea at 3, sleep sitting down at 4 and go home at 4:30. It's a hard life!

B is for Bhision. For some reason many Bengalis don't have good bhision. In fact in Kolkata most people are wearing spectacles all the time.

C is for Chappell. Currently, this is the Bengali word for the Devil, for the worst form of evil. In the night mothers put their kids to sleep saying, 'Na ghumaley Chappell eshey dhorey niye jabe.'

D is for Debashish or any other name starting with Deb. By an ancient law every fourth Bengali Child has to be named Debashish. So you have a Debashish everywhere and trying to get creative they are also called Deb, Debu, Deba with variations like Debopriyo, Deboprotim, Debojyoti, etc. thrown in at times.

E is for Eeesh. This is a very common Bengali exclamation made famous by Aishwarya Rai in the movie Devdas. It is estimated that on an average a Bengali, especially Bengali women, use eeesh 10,089 times every year. 'Ei Morechhey' is a close second to Eeesh.

F is for Feeesh. These are creatures that swim in rivers and seas and are a favourite food of the Bengalis. Despite the fact that a fish market has such strong smells, with one sniff a Bengali knows if a fish is all right. If not, he will say 'eeesh what feeesh is theesh!'

G is for Good name. Every Bengali boy will have a good name like Debashish or Deboprotim and a pet name like Motka, Bhombol, Thobla, etc. While every Bengali girls will have pet names like Tia, Tuktuki, Mishti, Khuku, etcetera.

H is for Harmonium. This the Bengali equivalent of a rock guitar. Take four Bengalis and a Harmonium and you have the successors to The Bheatles!

I is for lleesh. This is a feeesh with 10,000 bones which would kill any ordinary person, but which the Bengalis eat with releeesh!

J is for Jhola. No self-respecting Bengali is complete without his Jhola. It is a shapeless cloth bag where he keeps all his belongings and he fits an amazing number of things in. Even as you read this there are two million jholas bobbling around Kolkata, and they all look exactly the same! Note that 'Jhol' as in Maachher Jhol is a close second.

K is for Kee Kaando !. It used to be the favourite Bengali exclamation till eeesh took over because of Aishwarya Rai (now Kee Kando's agent is trying to hire Bipasha Basu).

L is for Lungi, the dress for all occasions. People in Kolkata manage to play football and cricket wearing it not to mention the daily trip in the morning to the local bajaar. Now there is talk of a lungi expedition to Mt Everest.

M is for Minibus. These are dangerous half buses whose antics would effortlessly frighten the living daylights out of all James Bond stuntmen as well as Formula 1 race car drivers.

N is for Nangto. This is the Bengali word for Naked. It is the most interesting naked word in any language!

O is for Oil. The Bengalis believe that a touch of mustard oil will cure anything from cold (oil in the nose), to earache (oil in the ear), to cough (oil on the throat) to piles (oil you know where!).

P is for Phootball. This is always a phavourite phassion of the Kolkattan. Every Bengali is born an expert in this game. The two biggest clubs there are Mohunbagan and East Bengal and when they play the city comes to a stop.

Q is for Queen. This really has nothing to do with the Bengalis or Kolkata, but it's the only Q word I could think of at this moment. There's also Quilt but they never use them in Kolkata.

R is for Robi Thakur. Many many years ago Rabindranath got the Nobel Prize. This has given the right to all Bengalis no matter where they are to frame their acceptance speeches as if they were directly related to the great poet and walk with their head held high. This also gives Bengalis the birthright to look down at Delhi and Mumbai and of course 'all non-Bengawlees'! Note that 'Rawshogolla' comes a close second !

S is for Shourav. Now that they finally produced a genuine cricketer and a captain, Bengalis think that he should be allowed to play until he is 70 years old. Of course they will see to it that he stays in good form by doing a little bit of 'jawggo' and 'maanot'.

T is for Trams. Hundred years later there are still trams in Kolkata. Of course if you are in a hurry it's faster to walk.

U is for Aambrela. When a Bengali baby is born he is handed one.

V is for Bhaayolence. Bengalis are the most non-violent violent people around. When an accident happens they will fold up their sleeves, shout and scream and curse and abuse, "Chherey De Bolchhi" but the last time someone actually hit someone was in 1979.

W is for Water. For three months of the year the city is underwater and every year for the last 200 years the authorities are taken by surprise by this!

X is for X'mas. It's very big in Kolkata, with Park Street fully lit up and all Bengalis agreeing that they must eat cake that day.

Y is for Yesshtaarday. Which is always better than today for a Bengali (see R for Robi Thakur).

Z is for Jebra, Joo, Jipper and Jylophone.

Bhains Chalisa

महामूर्ख दरबार में, लगा अनोखा केस
फसा हुआ है मामला, अक्ल बङी या भैंस
अक्ल बङी या भैंस, दलीलें बहुत सी आयीं
महामूर्ख दरबार की अब,देखो सुनवाई
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस सदा ही अकल पे भारी
भैंस मेरी जब चर आये चारा- पाँच सेर हम दूध निकारा
कोई अकल ना यह कर पावे- चारा खा कर दूध बनावे
अक्ल घास जब चरने जाये- हार जाय नर अति दुख पाये
भैंस का चारा लालू खायो- निज घरवारि सी.एम. बनवायो
तुमहू भैंस का चारा खाओ- बीवी को सी.एम. बनवाओ
मोटी अकल मन्दमति होई- मोटी भैंस दूध अति होई
अकल इश्क़ कर कर के रोये- भैंस का कोई बाँयफ्रेन्ड ना होये
अकल तो ले मोबाइल घूमे- एस.एम.एस. पा पा के झूमे
भैंस मेरी डायरेक्ट पुकारे- कबहूँ मिस्ड काल ना मारे
भैंस कभी सिगरेट ना पीती- भैंस बिना दारू के जीती
भैंस कभी ना पान चबाये - ना ही इसको ड्रग्स सुहाये
शक्तिशालिनी शाकाहारी- भैंस हमारी कितनी प्यारी
अकलमन्द को कोई ना जाने- भैंस को सारा जग पहचाने
जाकी अकल मे गोबर होये- सो इन्सान पटक सर रोये
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस का गोबर अकल पे भारी
भैंस मरे तो बनते जूते- अकल मरे तो पङते जूते
अकल को कोई देख ना पावे- भैंस दरस साक्षात दिखावे
अकल पढाई करन से आवे- भैंस कभी स्कूल ना जावे
भैंस के डाक्टर मौज उङावैं- अकल के डाक्टर काम ना पावैं
अकलमन्द जग से डरै,भैंस मस्त पगुराय
भैंस चलाये सींग तो, अकलमन्द भग जाय
मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी- भैंस कभी ना बकती गारी
भैंस कभी अतंक ना करती- भैंस मेरी भगवान से डरती
तासौं भैंस सदा मुसकावै- अकल लङे ओर अति दुख पावै
अकल तो एटम बम्ब बनाये- झटके मे संसार उङाये
भैंस दूध दे हमको पाले- बिना दूध हों चाय के लाले
अकल विभाजन देश का कीन्ही- पाक बांग्लादेश ये दीन्ही
भैंस अभी तक फर्क ना जाने- एक रूप में सबको माने
हिन्दू मुस्लिम सिक्ख ईसाई- भैंस सभी को दूध पिलायी
भैंस न कोइ इलैक्शन चाहे- भैंस ना कोइ सेलेक्शन चाहे
इसकी नज़र मे एक हैं सारे- मोटे पतले गोरे कारे
भेदभाव नहिं भैंस को भाया- भैंस मे ही जनतन्त्र समाया
भैंस ना कोई करै हवाला- भैंस करै ना कोइ घोटाला
पासपोर्ट ना वीजा पाती- जब चाहे विदेश हो आती
फिर भी स्मगलिंग ना करती- भैंस मेरी कानून से डरती
ता सौं भैंस हमें है प्यारी- मंगल भवन अमंगल हारी
अकल बेअकल जो मरै, अन्त सवारी भैंस
भैंस बङी है अकल से, फईनल हो गया केस !!

Quotes on paradoxes

Excellent quotes on paradoxes :)

On Books

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

-Flannery O'Connor

The covers of this book are too far apart. -Ambrose Bierce quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. -Groucho Marx

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it. -Hadas

Never lend books, for no one ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are books that other folks have leant me. -Anatole France

Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away. -Clarence Darrow

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book. -Kin Hubbard

Never judge a book by its movie. -J.W. Eagan

This paperback is very interesting, but I find it will never replace a hardcover book -- it makes a very poor doorstop. -Alfred Hitchcock

There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. -Bertrand Russell

Every night, I have to read a book, so that my mind will stop thinking about things that I stress about. -Britney Spears

Americans like fat books and thin women. -Russell Baker

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

-Raymond Chandler

It had been startling and disappointing to me to find out that story books had been written by people, that books were not natural wonders, coming of themselves like grass. -Eudora Welty

For though he'd very little Latin beyond 'Cave canem,' he had, as a young dog, devoured Shakespeare (in a tasty leather binding). -Dodie Smith

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force. -Dorothy Parker

One always tends to overpraise a long book because one has got through it.

-E. M. Forster

I hate books; they only teach us to talk about things we know nothing about.

-Jean-Jacques Rousseau

My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sink into meditation, contemplating my novel. -Edward Abbey

Communication Gap

A judge was interviewing a lady regarding her pending divorce,and he asked her, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"Why, it is made of concrete, of course," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is 'yes'."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, frustrated and at the end of his rope, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. It's my husband who does. He says he can't communicate with me."