Congratulations on getting married

Now that I am condemned to death..err...engaged to be married, there are a lot of reactions from the many people who come to know about my impending doom.

1. A simple "Congratulations". Short, sweet and simple.
   
2. "Shaadi Kab Hai? I need to make plans for that day" Mostly from over-busy friends and relatives.
3. "Photo dikhao". Ab mere paas ho toh dikhaoon na. Waise karoge kya dekh kar? Post-match analysis karoge? [Pun intended]
   
4. Shock and disbelief on face and in the voice. Mouth agape. After some time to adjust the mouth back to its normally-occluded stance, a guttural growl "How can YOU get married?" Kyun bhai, mere ko shaadi karna manaa hai kya?
   
5. "You are not married? I always thought you were married." Now what I am supposed to say this simply escapes me.
6. "My deepest sympathies are with you." This one comes from men who have been married for some time. I noticed that the strength of this greeting is inversely proportional to the amount of hair left on the greeter's head.
7. "NAHIN.....AISA NAHIN HO SAKTA.......MAIN LUT GAYEE....MAIN BARBAAD HO GAYEEEEEE" - OK, this is more of wishful thinking but I think I may have seen a few elements of the fair gender mouthing something to this effect.