Saturday, August 22, 2009

Look at the web looking at you!

You see the web regularly. Ever wondered about how does the web see you? Have a look at how you are perceived by the web at this interesting website.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Outwit the cat

A nice game I recently stumbled upon. Quite addictive. I could not get it the first three times. I got it the fourth time but then not the next 10 odd times. Now I can get it about 75% of the times I play. But what's the game? Ahh! Here it is.

And if you can't outwit it at all or do so accidentally, drop me a line. I will expose "the method" to trap the cat ;)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Google Books - New Features

How does one use a book in the real world? Shouldn't that be the benchmark of how one should be able to use an ebook?
Google attempts that...more details here.

Weary India Lost It!

Wow - What an analysis, that too on 31st May!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Reuse and recycle

A very nice thought on recycling!

Bubbles and Lent

Each Friday night after work, Bubbal Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of Bubbal's neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Bubbal, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubbal attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, ''You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Bubbal's neighbours were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubbal's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubbal, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato."

Monday, June 01, 2009

Be loyal to job, not to company!

Interesting.....Don't miss last Questions...

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the 'job hopper' (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it.. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the 'company loyal' employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys - the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make
the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying 'employer loyalty'. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a 'permanent' job, so I need not worry about 'what will I do if I lose my job'. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being 'company loyal' and not 'money earning and saving loyal'. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving - I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me - can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the
expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a 'debt-free' life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basi without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a
company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me - why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said - love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc will address the entire company saying, 'well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you." But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, "It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go." So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Bambai vs. Dilli

Ten reasons why South Mumbai did not vote

10. Clashed with Salsa class
9. Election whites not drycleaned
8. No candidate a hottie
7. Tony Jethmalani contesting from suburbs. Sigh
6. No valet parking at booth
5. Spotted servant in queue ahead of us
4. Driver did not come
3. "Elections over dude, Obama won!"
2. No party tackling real issues, eg, reduce Gold Gym rates
1. No home delivery!

Why Delhi turned up to vote

1. They loved the Tata Tea ad
2. They saw the Chopras go out, and thought they must overtake the Lancer from left
3. Bunty's girlfriend wanted it when they were going out for some Chinese
4. Diwan Saheb on second floor persuaded them. He is jaaaint sectry in DPCC
5. Without stable government, real estate will not revive
6. Election Commission directly asked Pappu. So nice of them!
7. Grandfather started talking on Partition, and they had to run
8. Auntyji hoped some TV crew will come and take a soundbite
9. Baba Ramdev said it is good for health

And finally
10. They had to beat the Bambaiyaas. Izzat ka sawaal hai, hainji?

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Bill Gates & Kantibhai

BILL GATES organizes an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assemble in a large room. One of the candidates is Kantibhai Shah.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never have had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave. 2000 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself 'I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave. 500 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates askes the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Kantibhai says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has left.

Bill Gates joins them and says 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Kantibhai turns to the other candidate and says...... 'kem chho?'

The other candidate answers ........ 'ek dam majama.'

Monday, May 04, 2009

MBAs - A fresh perspective!

A favourite one of mine:

MBA मरते नहीं, जिंदा दफनाये जाते हैं,
हर तीन महीने में तड़पाए जाते हैं,
कब्र खोल कर देखो तो,
कब्र में भी presentation देते हुए पाए जाते हैं !

Monday, April 13, 2009

Shayari

One from Mandeep, a student of mine:

नहीं पूछता कोई सवाल कभी ये ही तो परेशानी है,
दिल में ही रह जाती है जो चाहतें हमेशा सुनानी हैं
बाहर से ज़िन्दगी नज़र आये चाहे कितनी भी हसीं
अन्दर झांक के देखो तो हर चेहरे की इक कहानी है

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Essay on cow

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this. This is an essay supposedly written by a Bihari candidate at the UPSC (IAS) Examinations. Enjoy!

Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species, Also his other motion.. gober] is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes[like Pizza] , in hand and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by bowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body hereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts . His eyes and nose are like his other relatives. This is the cow.

We are informed that the candidate passed the exam, and is now an IAS, is bihar in somewhere..[sorry somewhere in Bihar]

Saturday, March 28, 2009

On pessimism

  • There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist."
    -- Mark Twain

  • Pessimist: one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both."
    -- Oscar Wilde

  • Remember, whenever one door closes, another slams in your face.

Taxes

  • The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
    -- Mark Twain
  • The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that carries any reward.
    -- John Maynard Keynes

  • Smile and the world audits your taxes.

  • The only certainities in this world are death and taxes.
    --Benjamin Franklin

  • Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
    --Robert Heinlein

Recession predicted in 2006!

It's not often that we get the chance to see quite as clearly as we do in this video how pundits and experts can be completely and totally wrong. But if the people ridiculing and condescending to Peter Schiff in this video are deceiving themselves, how sure can we be that our most cherished convictions are correct?
This video is from 2006 !

College Days

1. On being Late:

"Kab shuru hui class?"

"Attendance ho gayi kya??"

"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"

"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu......... bolna ....... kal kya padaya tha isne"

"Ek page de na.......... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse likhunga......."

" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"

"wo bhi iss class ke liye "

2. During the lecture:

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is

........huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."

"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."

"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"

"Abe lecture ko maar goli..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"

"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"

"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."

"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."

"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"

3. Lab:

"Expt. 2 likha??"

"last time tu aaya the kya?""

"Karna kya hai??"

"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"

"Areee tu to bura maan gaya .......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata hai...."

4. Sessionals Test:

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "

"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya hoga...."

"Oye Sushil kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail...."

After test......

"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen chalega..." SAHI !!

5. For attendance

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya "

"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........"

"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua....."

6. Late submission of assignments:

" Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"

"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"

"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai "

7 . After exam:

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."

"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"

"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2....... Gaya..........fail pakka......."

"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar......"

8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"

"Aeee.......Akash.....terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."

"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."

"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak preparation nahi hui hai"

9 . Submission:

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"

"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"

"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"

"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."

"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

10 .Copying Assignments:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"

(The best one)

"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal"

"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"

" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."

"Koi hint........"

"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........"

11. Exam:

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai woh NAHI aata hai" ..VERY VERY TRUE !!

"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"

"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"

"tere paas is ke notes hai??"

"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"

"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"

"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE

"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"

"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!

This one is dedicated to all my friends:

"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai

Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.

kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain

kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.

abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai

Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.

Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai

exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,

college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai

tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.

Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.

Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.

Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai

bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.

bas ek bar aur

wapas lautne ka man karta hai."

Are you a workaholic?


Easy ways to spot the workaholics lurking among us

Are you a workaholic? Many lurk among us. They secretly enjoy business trips. They stay late in the office even when they don't have to. They LIKE Monday mornings. I discovered one in my own family when I asked my brother-in-law how his family camping holiday went, and he said: "interminable." (They hate holidays.)

I was shocked to learn from a scientific publication (a women's magazine) that you can find out whether you are a workaholic by counting how many days of holiday you lose because you have not taken them, but your employer won't let you carry them over.

One to three is troubling. Four to six shows you have a problem with work-life balance. Seven to nine makes you a serious work addict. Ten or more can be used in divorce proceedings. (I lost eight days' holiday on my last contract, which puts me in the "serious work addict" category).

But I'm not the worst. I know at least three individuals who live only for their jobs. What gives them away is their terminology. Here are 14 signs that you are a workaholic.

1. Your spouse gives you a dark look and says: "We need to talk." You reply: "I'll schedule a performance appraisal session at the earliest opportunity" - and then arrange a business trip that takes you away for two weeks.

2. You refer to your child's pocket money as "the weekly cash injection."

3. Your spouse complains that you are deeply in debt to the bar near your office, and you reply: "I'm not in debt, just highly leveraged in the beverage sector."

4. You refer to your grandfather's death as "a family downsizing."

5. Your spouse complains that you do not take enough interest in the children, and you say: "Okay, fine, where's the feedback form?"

6. The message in the Valentine's Day card you write to your spouse has bullet points.

7. Your child informs you the child next door has a new bicycle, and you reply: "The quota for capital expenditure is full for this financial year."

8. You think of your Sunday afternoon family walk as a "team-based bonding activity."

9. You go to school for a meeting with your child's teacher and your first question is: "So, what are his core competencies?"

10. When your child's teacher explains that your child is failing four of his nine subjects, you shout: "What do you expect when you give him such an overdiversified portfolio?"

11. When your daughter announces that she is getting married, you ask her whether she is ready to "undergo such a major paradigm shift."

12. Just before you start your speech at your daughter's wedding reception, you ask her to take minutes.

13. Your speech starts with the words: "Any apologies for absence?"

14. You always choose horrible holiday destinations, because your sole criterion is whether the country's currency has plunged recently. For your daughter's honeymoon, you've booked a cholera hospital in Zimbabwe.

One of the worst workaholics I ever met was a woman who once said: "I don't have friends. I have contacts." I told her she was a work- obsessed automaton devoid of human feelings. She replied: "You say that as if it was a bad thing." That day, I left the office early.

At least we didn't do that

I quote this from an email list I am subscribed to:

"Interesting read [[about Iceland]]....about a country which stood at No.1 in UN's 2008 Human Development Index.... Where the stock market multiplied by 9 times between 2003 and 2007.....Where fishermen became investment bankers.... Whose debt today is 850% of its GDP.... Where people blow up their newly bought cars to claim insurance.... 

Its the only nation on earth that Americans could point to and say, “Well, at least we didn’t do that.”

I agree!