Gosh! Life can be so boring sometimes - really in the dumps right now :-(

Meanwhile head to Quiznet on Yahoogroups to experience Indian quizzing at its best. I am a regular member and contribute quizzes as well as answer a lot of quizzes. Enjoy!

Is it just me or has anyone noticed less spam on Hotmail addresses?

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A Realistic Look At Job Descriptions


An ADULT is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS are the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A COMMITTEE is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST is mud with the juice squeezed out.

An EGOTIST is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

A GOSSIP is a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

A HANDKERCHIEF is cold storage.

INFLATION is cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

A MYTH is a female moth.

A MOSQUITO is an insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISINS are grape with a sunburn.

A SECRET is something you tell to one person at a time.

A SKELETON is a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

A TOOTHACHE is the pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW is one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

A YAWN is an honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES are something other people have. You have character lines.

A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An ECONOMIST is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted
yesterday didn't happen today.

A STATISTICIAN is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality
to be an accountant.

An ACTUARY is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because
that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

A PROGRAMMER is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way
you don't understand.

A MATHEMATICIAN is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

A TOPOLOGIST is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A LAWYER is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

A PSYCHOLOGIST is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A PROFESSOR is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A SCHOOLTEACHER is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A CONSULTANT is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A DIPLOMAT is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will
look forward to the trip.

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Here's is a sampler of some nursery rhymes with an Indian twist. Enjoy!
________________________________

Laloo Bhai bihari
Went up the pahari
To fetch a bail for court order
Laloo fell down
And lost his crown
But Rabri reigned thereafter.
________________________________
Laxman laxman
Yes pappa
eating money
no pappa
telling lies
no pappa
open yr drawer
ha ha ha
________________________________
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
samata party is falling down
falling down
falling down
my fair jaitley (jaya)
________________________________
Wha Wha Black Sheep
Have you pulled the wool?
Yes sir, Yes sir,
Three bags full.
One for my father,
One for my dame,
And one for the CBI
Crying in the lane.
__________________________________
Little Miss Bharti,
Did a Maha-arti,
So the BJP would always hold sway.
There came a big BSP With Mayavati its USP.
And frightened Miss Bharti away.
________________________________
Little Lal Advani
Sat with his TV vahini
Taking his party's rai
He stuck out hist humb,
hoping to pull out the plum,
And said, 'Can I have a slice of Vaj-pie?'
____________________________________
Batsman-bowler sat on the ball.
Batsman-bowler had a great fall,
All the bookies' cookies,
All the bribers' men,
Couldn't put Indian cricket together again.
____________________________________
Bankers and ministers
Sold for a penny
All the swindlers are so many
The envy's green
And the CBI red's
Nail them all, and get
their head, head, head.

Okay, this is quite good. It is not very hard to make but the fact is that someone took the trouble to make it, and made it so well. I got this from the New York Times, where it was featured in a what's new section. It is supposed to be a walking man, who is walking across the world on email. In the email you receive it, you are urged to pass it on. One email I sure will have no misgivings in forwarding.

If you want this, right click on the image, then click on "Save Picture As..." and save wherever you want.

Some cartoons to waste your time!

1. Here's one real gem from recent times :-)





2. I have recently discovered Frank and Ernest and it is fast turning into one of my favourite strips, in addition to Calvin and Hobbes, Off the Mark, Non-Sequitur etc.





3. Non Sequitur is the king of off-beat comics. The humour is dry, witty, sarcastic, cynical and yet very refreshing ;-)





4. Okay, this is kinda OK, but I still enjoyed this. Refers to the recent no-call-list for telemarketing activities in the USA. A good initiative, and the growing pestilence of this breed in India, makes me wonder how soon are we to such an initiative in our country.





5. This killed me, I still can't stop laughing on this one :-)

A definitive site on the Indian army and its operations is Bharat Rakshak. Have a dekko!

Listening to Ali Haider's "Purani Jeans Aur Guitar". It is one of my favourite songs! Although never had most of the escapades and experiences mentioned in the song (I was a good boy!!), I can somehow connect to it.

Listening to this and songs of other Pakistani artists makes me wonder why can't we live in peace. I love the voices of Ghulam Ali, Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan, Junoon, Abida Parveen and Ali Haider. Noorjehan went from India to Pakistan after partition and we lost the best voice in the world, probably even better than our own venerable Lata Mangeshkar.

Peace! That's what we need.

Well I have never been a big fan of Jagjit Singh and his ghazals, but over the years, friends have introduced me to them and I am a fan now.

The best one I like are from Saath Saath and Arth and of course Hoshwalon Ko Khabar Kahan with the lovely video of Sonali in Sarfarosh!

Dial the world for free (8/2/03)

The Web and E-mail are second nature to PC owners. Jeff Pulver hopes the same will soon apply for Internet phone calls. A 40-year-old pioneer in the field, Pulver is a passionate, fast-talking crusader trying to sell a skeptical public on the future of Net telephony. His latest venture is a no-charge service called Free World Dialup (www.freeworlddialup.com).

Here is something interesting!

Rumours are that Aamir Khan might be featured on the cover of TIME Magazine. Photographer Atul Kasbekar has been assigned the job of clicking Aamir for the lead story on crossover films.

Bush and the American's are big time liers, and it is time that these guys were set right for killing Iraqis for no reason. Does the Iraqi experience mean that if I feel that America is an enemy of my country, I can just go and blast them off for no forseeable reason, whatsoever?? I would love to do that!

THE MESSAGE COUNTS: Bob Graham, running for the Democratic nomination to oppose President George W. Bush in the next presidential election, said Bush wasn't truthful about Iraq having purchased uranium from Africa, as claimed in the buildup toward war. Would he say, then, that Bush told a lie about Iraq's push for "weapons of mass destruction"? "I would not use the three-letter word," Sen. Graham replied. "I would use the five-letter word: deceit." (AP) ...Americans need to learn a four-letter word: vote.

From This Is True

And of course, politicians are the same everywhere, the first ones to bake their breads over the funeral pyres of others.

Inspiring, isn't it? I am impressed with this guy's dedication.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON: Comedian Mark Olver got plenty of laughs when he fell down during his stand-up routine at a comedy club in Bristol, England. Almost immediately after coming out on stage, he collapsed in a heap. As he lay on the floor, microphone in hand, he kept telling jokes -- even though he had a dislocated knee and broken ankle."I was in a lot of pain, but managed to do about 15 minutes of material while on the floor, passing out every now and then because of the pain, and then coming round to do the punch line." The audience thought it was part of his act until paramedics arrived and carried him off the stage on a stretcher. Olver didn't take any time off at all: he was back on stage the next night, doing his act in a cast. (Bristol Evening Post)

From This Is True

Some nice ones I came across :-)

An English professor announced to the class; "There are
two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and
the other is cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So,
what are the words?"

***********************************************

A man complained, "Doc, I've been to three other clinics
and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."
The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy,
then they'll see that I was right."

************************************************

Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put
in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal.
--Steven Wright

So, you are a Superman fan, eh? Well here's something for you - The First Superman comic, published waaaay back in 1938.

Today I am going for a "Chouka" for two Jain Aryikajees (female ascetics) in our local temple. During the monsoon months, Jain ascetics stay at one place, as compared to the rest of the year when they are constantly on the move from one place to another. So this is more a time for contemplation, meditation, preaching and teaching than any other during the year. The ascetics take very simple food, once a day. This food is prepared by devotees in a very very clean and pure environment. Everything has be very clean and completely pure and this makes it very tough to do this kind of thing. A lot of effort goes into a single meal.

Our family has had a tradition of some "Choukas" in the past, but the recent years have seen no Choukas in past years. Life in a big city can be drastically different from one in a small city and one has much less time.

Noida, where I live is a comparatively new place and this is the first time that some ascetics have stayed for the monsoon months. So there is a great fervour in the Jain community here. Most of the arrangements for the meals have been made at the local temple itself, instead of homes, as is normally done.

I better get going!

I can't believe there is no major Indian cricket match for another 2 months or so. I mean we Indians are so used to our regular shot of cricket, that such a long hiatus after the World Cup has left us completely dry. I just wish October was here sooner and we all get to see New Zealand get a bit of their own treatment, on Indian pitches. I am all for sporting pitches, not just spinning tracks, so that we can show which is the better team. We on sporting tracks, or they on specially-prepared-bad-tracks-not-worth-international-standards? I think we all know the answer.

Indians are having a bad run in the counties, except may be Dravid. Marriage suits him :-)

Recently I read an article in the TOI that speculated whether going to county matches was still the relevant "coming-of-age" ritual for Indian cricketers. Country cricket has lost its charm in the recent years, and Indians are playing a lot more international cricket, than say 20 years or even 10 years ago. But one thing cannot be denied. Where else can you drive around in a 50 mile radius and get to meet so many new quality teams, with good facilities and excellent atmosphere. You get to experience new kind of pitches and varied bowling attacks. So I guess there is some merit in the county-cricket experience.

But that's just me :-)

This is the first step towards the planned recapture of the India market by USA. We should be wary of such moves, and proceed with caution.

In today's world, we cannot avoid partnering with the USA, but one needs to be cautious of their moves, and have enough checks and balances to make sure that we are not caught on the wrong foot by any short-sighted decisions.

In addition we should reduce our dependency on oil. gas, coal, hydel and renewable sources like solar, tidal should be explored in greater depth.

India is a big market for oil, US tells its firms
http://www.rediff.com/money/2003/aug/04oil.htm
S Ravindran & Hemangi Balse in Mumbai | August 04, 2003 07:57 IST

The United States has drafted India into the axis of virtue. The Bush administration believes India is a major energy market.

It wants India to build "strategic oil reserves", which can be drawn upon in case of another oil shock to the world economy.

Specifically, throwing the Enron-Dabhol controversy to the winds, the US government is lending its weight to American firms seeking to invest in India's energy sector.

A task force on the US Energy Policy, constituted by US President George Bush, sees "India as one of the major energy markets."

As part of a policy realignment, the US Department of Energy has offered to support "any industry expertise required by India to create its own strategic reserves."

The US wants India to replicate its model, wherein petroleum is stored in "natural, underground salt caverns."

The US has built capacities to store up to 700 million barrels at four sites. These give it a drawdown capacity of 4.4 million barrels a day, which "at full level (of drawdown) is equivalent to the production of the fourth largest supplier in the world."

Petroleum Minister Ram Naik has apprised Prime Minister Atal Bihari Vajpayee of the recent changes in the US energy policy.

As many as 66 US oil and gas majors have shown interest in the recent roadshows, in which the Indian government invited multinationals to explore 24 blocks under the New Exploration Licensing Policy-IV.

The campaign contained a promotional roadshow for the second round of bids for coal-bed methane blocks, in which 32 US firms, including CDX Gas and Burlington Resources, participated.

The Centre has offered nine such blocks, housing about 400 billion cubic metres of exploitable gas.

With support from the US government, India is likely to see a number of American energy firms descending on its shores in search of hydrocarbons and to set up energy units.

Despite the Enron debacle, the US firms are encouraged by the recent gas discoveries made by Reliance Industries in the Krishna-Godavari deep-water block and by Oil and Natural Gas Corporation in Vasai (off Mumbai), the deregulation of the oil industry and the proposed government divestment in oil companies.

Watched "The Kumars at No. 42" and "Goodness Gracious Me" on Star World yesterday. They are really nice comedies, I can't stop laughing :-D Wish they would make these kind of comedies more in India.

In recent years, there has been a rush of cinema and TV from Indians who are based abroad. And most of it is quite good. Well, this finally proves one thing - Indians can laugh at themselves too!

A really nice website for downloading old Hindi movie songs is Indian Screen.
One for downloading new ones is esargam.
Another site that offers a lot of songs for downloads is Surendra.
A site with lot of downloads is Entertain 123
However, the current daddy still remains Cool Goose

Happy Downloading ;-)

:-D

"I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time...
I think I have forgotten this before..."

:-D

Listening to "Pyar mein dil pe maar de goli, le le meri jaan" :-) - nice song.....RDB is really the tops.

And here is another really great one doing the rounds on the net.

   While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 90-year-old man,
   the doctor asked his patient how he thought George W. Bush was
   doing as President.
   
   The old man said, "Ya know, Bush is a post turtle." Not knowing
   what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a "post
   turtle" was.
   
   He said, "Did you ever drive down a country road and come across
   a fence post with a turtle balanced on top? You know he didn't
   get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he can't get
   anything done while he's up there, and you just want to help the
   poor thing down. That's a post turtle."

One of my all time favourite authors of comedy is W. Bruce Cameron. He writes an absolutely hilarious column, mostly dealing with his teenage daughters. Catch him at his website

A nice joke I came across recently!

In an interview with David Letterman, U.S. President Jimmy Carter passed
along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at
a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief
joke.

He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese
version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how
quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the
reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright
hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.

After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he
told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?

When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator
responded, "I told them, 'President Carter has told a very funny joke.
Please laugh now.'"

Okey dokey - checking out this new software Bloggar for posting to my blogs. May be this will inspire me to post more frequently.