Saturday, August 23, 2003

A Realistic Look At Job Descriptions

An ADULT is a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

CANNIBAL Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS are the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

A COMMITTEE is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST is mud with the juice squeezed out.

An EGOTIST is someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

A GOSSIP is a person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

A HANDKERCHIEF is cold storage.

INFLATION is cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

A MYTH is a female moth.

A MOSQUITO is an insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISINS are grape with a sunburn.

A SECRET is something you tell to one person at a time.

A SKELETON is a bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

A TOOTHACHE is the pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW is one of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

A YAWN is an honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES are something other people have. You have character lines.

A BANKER is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining
and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

An ECONOMIST is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted
yesterday didn't happen today.

A STATISTICIAN is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality
to be an accountant.

An ACTUARY is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because
that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

A PROGRAMMER is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way
you don't understand.

A MATHEMATICIAN is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.

A TOPOLOGIST is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

A LAWYER is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

A PSYCHOLOGIST is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A PROFESSOR is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A SCHOOLTEACHER is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A CONSULTANT is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A DIPLOMAT is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will
look forward to the trip.


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