Saturday, April 22, 2006

Firewall (Deewar)

I wrote this a long time ago, the days when I used to run an IT-outsourcing venture, and had time to kill (sometimes!). This is the sceret script of an IT Film "Firewall" (Deewar).

Scene 1
Bamitabh Acchan (lead programmer) and Shift-hekar (project manager) are discussing the latest projects (Sona) that have just come from USA to India (typical aaj-rat-top-level-design-USA-se-aa-raha-hai style).
Shift-hekar: "Aaj se tum hamare liye programming karoge! Yeh lo!" Throws a thick client specifications document across the conference table.
Bamitabh Acchan: "Shift-hekar Sahab, apko yaad hoga, aaj se kai saal pehle aap NIIT ke Kalkajee center pe hacking karne jaate the, tab raaste mein hamesha ek hi jagah ruk kar apne freelance projects banwate the."
Shift-hekar: "Haan! Lekin tumhe yeh sab kaise pata hai?"
Bamitabh Acchan: "Main phenki hui client specifications aaj bhi nahin uthata hoon!"

Scene 2
Bamitabh Acchan and Kashi Shapoor are standing in the NIIT center, Okhla.
Kashi Shapoor: "Bhai tum documentation likhoge ya nahin!?"
Bamitabh Acchan: "Jaao pehle uss software ka documentation lekar aao, jisko maine delivery date se pehle, saari raat baithkar banaya. Jaao pehle uss software ka documentation lekar aao, jiska Alpha version maine Beta kehkar bhej diya. Jaao pehle uss software ka documentation lekar aao, jisko banane main mere Sun-Sparc server mein crash aa gaya. Uske baad mere bhai, tum jis software ka kahoge, main us ka documentation likh doonga. Haan mere bhai, main documentation likh doonga, lekin main sabse pehle nahin likhoonga."
Kashi Shapoor: "Doosre ke documentation nahin likhne se tumhare requirements fulfill nahin ho jaate hain."
Bamitabh Acchan: "Uff yeh tumhare SEI-CMM aur ISO ke requirements, yeh kiss kaam ke hain? Inko mila kar kya ek lead programmer ki salary bhi nikal sakti hai? Hum dono ne issi center ke bahar khade hokar code likha, hacking seekhi, programmers bane aur aaj tum kahan reh gaye aur main kahan aa gaya. Yeh vahi tum ho aur yeh vahi main hoon. Aaj mere pass Sun Sparc aur IBM ke servers hain, Oracle aur Microsoft ka pirated software hai, RJ-45 ki cabling wala LAN hai, 24 hour connnectivity hai, programmers hain, project managers hain, India mein itna bada development center hai, USA mein front end marketing office hai, NYSE aur NASDAQ per listing hai aur tumhare pass, kya hai tumhare pass??"
Kashi Shapoor : "Mere pass project hai"


  1. had fun reading both the posts (the one above it) the way u wrote this one urself???
    "I wrote this a long time ago, the days when I used to run an IT-outsourcing venture, and had time to kill (sometimes!)"
    really GREAT work if u wrote it urself!!!!

  2. the gabbar one i found floating on the net ... the deewar ones i wrote, after being inspired by the gabbar one.

    yes, even i think i wrote them well!

  3. It is a really interesting part of your inner self that comes out through this post!

  4. Hey guys..

    I am doing a audio mimic of your dialogue on my website

    Please e-mail me at

    if you have any such funny dialogues

  5. Nice. After some time in the end of movie, Bamitabh achhan goes to Lead, Lead mai aaj tak tumhare paas gidgidane nahee aaya, par aaj project kee jaan khatre mein hai, chahe mujhse hazaar document likhwaalo, par is project ko band mat hone do. :-)

    Liked reading it. Specially last sentence@mere paas project hai.

    I was wondering what would be "
    Maan" here