Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Lots of One-Liners

  • A friend in need is a pest indeed.
  • Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  • Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
  • When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
  • The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
  • Born free - taxed to death.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
  • Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
  • Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  • If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
  • It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
  • I love being a writer... What I can't stand is the paperwork.
  • A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray & the blinking red light.
  • The hardest part of skating is the ice.
  • My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
  • The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he was the genius.
  • The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
  • In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
  • If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
  • I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
  • If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
  • Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
  • If you can't convince them, confuse them.
  • It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
  • The cigarette does the smoking; you are just the sucker.
  • Someday is not a day of the week.


  1. have always loved one liners...good ones!!!

  2. awesome one liners dude

    u rock