Lots of One-Liners

• A friend in need is a pest indeed.
• Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
• Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
• When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
• The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
• Born free - taxed to death.
• Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
• Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
• Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
• If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
• I love being a writer... What I can't stand is the paperwork.
• A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray & the blinking red light.
• The hardest part of skating is the ice.
• My phone number is 17. We got one of the early ones.
• The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, now he was the genius.
• The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
• In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
• If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
• I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
• If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
• Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
• If you can't convince them, confuse them.
• It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
• The cigarette does the smoking; you are just the sucker.
• Someday is not a day of the week.