New Funny One-Liners

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
- H.L. Mencken

In a poll, one in four said they'd donate a kidney to a complete stranger. Right, while 90 percent won't let a stranger merge in traffic.
- Jay Leno

The government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.
- George Bernard Shaw

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you, unless you're a masochist.
-Anonymous

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
- Elayne Boosler